A Story That Talks About Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

Jarod Kintz, Benson Bruno

iUniverse, Jul 22, 2011 - Fiction - 464 pages

Have you ever wanted to learn Geometry, Calculus, Physics, German, and the mystical teachings of Orafoura? Well, now you can! Just not with this book. Well, except for the mystical bit. This book is guaranteed to cost you, or your money back. If there is ever a book that deserves to be burned, this is it. And while you are lighting a fire, why dont you also set your imagination ablaze? You can start by taking a gasoline shower and sprinting naked through Flint, Michigan. Or Phoenix. After all, the only way youll ever be able to reach your true potential is with a stepladder and a stretch.

Contents

• 3: 15
• Organs: 17
• 31: 25
• Shame SelfExhibition Good Porno: 27
• 314: 29
• Good Videos Are Hard To Find: 30
• 3141: 31
• Jogging with Crum in the Park: 32
• 31415: 33
• Booked On All the Talk Shows: 35
• 314159: 37
• Shouting amongst themselves: 38
• Love I love it like an airplane loves a helicopter but not as much as a bat admires a butterfly: 39
• Seeing: 40
• I am the mouth that represents the Peoples Republic of Chin: 45
• The Courtier: 46
• XEIT Please solve for Y: 52
• Pain: 53
• Ten fingers wouldnt dare try lying to eleven toes: 58
• Distinction: 59
• I plead the FifthBeethovens symphony that is: 69
• The Conversation: 71
• What makes you think Ill share my pudding with you JellO Brains?: 73
• Against Bicycles: 76
• How many groups of 17 syllables have died so that haikus might live?: 79
• After The Law: 81
• When I think of you I immediately think of something else: 87
• Conspiracies: 91
• Ill siphon your tears with an eyedropper: 95
• To Construct a Defense and Comprehend it Without Fear and to Prove that the Side of the Prosecution is the Irrational Straight Line to Disaster: 98
• Youre yelling at me with your facial expression: 101
• Judgment: 107
• The hotel was as empty as my heart: 110
• Shoes: 116
• The spark that lights my flintcolored boxers on fire: 122
• Escape: 135
• Tshirts now available in dustpan format: 142
• The Hair: 153
• Bottledup rage sold by the shoefull with an earful of noseful for your halitosis toesbut not on Tuesday: 159
• Tomatoes: 161
• Dance like theres nobody watching Or filming Never mind that creepy guy in the corner with the camcorder Just keep dancing: 166
• 33 Steps Away From Recovery: 172
• The sky was as blue as orange could get I love sunsets at noon and forks disguised as spoons: 177
• Doughnuts: 178
• If you share your soup Ill share my wisdom I brought a spoon but did you bring a pen? How are you going to take notes you fool: 185
• Anatomy of a Relationship: 189
• Yesterdays gone like bubblegum and shoes made from hollowedout kittens limit two per order please: 199
• Geometry: 200
• Remix: 205
• X: 208
• How many scarecrows make up a murder?: 214
• Breakfast: 217
• Death isnt black or white its red like an orange: 227
• Trash: 230
• The elephant in the room is a hippopotamus disguised as a rhinoceros who may be a lover of bestiality known as politics: 233
• Travel: 237
• Ill breath into a paper airplane so my written words can find voice and sail on the wind to your butterfly ears: 239
• The 100 Meter Dash: 243
• How many how manys does it take to change a man named Mr Lightbulb?: 245
• People Who Are Praised As Being Beautiful: 249
• 33 verse three: 250
• Llamas: 253
• I am the coconut in the pineapple together we can: 255
• Plumbing: 259
• prison the past the future and grandmothers shed: 263
• Noses: 266
• Youve got to think about what you bring to the table before somebody else brings you to the tableas dinner: 276
• Africa: 280
• Beer on my shoulder is beer on tap provided Im turned around and you want to get my attention: 282
• Europe: 286
• Pigs are so close to humans anatomically that I wonder what people bacon would taste like: 288
• Pumpkin: 292
• Seven times seven is a whole bunch of tissues: 295
• Spleen: 299
• Blow your nose in my diaphragm and Ill tell you my dreams: 305
• Shadow: 309
• All the letters from A to Z couldnt express what you mean to me Not without cloning them and using some over and over: 311
• Pantheism: 315
• Its not a booger its a bit of avocado smeared on my sleeve: 319
• Vanilla: 323
• I tread lightly and walk in place on a treadmill silently for fear of angering my feet: 325
• Flavors: 329
• I want to be an actor instead of 88 yellow: 334
• Playing Doctor: 338
• Id rather ride two unicycles at the same time than one bicycle twice: 342
• History: 346
• Napoleon made war like I make lovefrom a height of about 68 centimeters I wear platform shoes while Im on my knees: 348
• Anality: 352
• An upper class man of uppercase letters: 367
• Surgery: 371
• Men are pigs and women are sausages: 373
• Revelations: 377
• One unicycle two bicycles three tricycles and Orafoura: 383
• Story: 387
• Time is certainly sticky enough to saturate pancakes: 390
• World Jogging: 394
• We were meant to be together separately and alone: 395
• Legacy: 399
• Love is an empty bottle and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it: 400
• Judd Joggs SubSaharan Reach: 404
• A lot has happened since those days like many nights: 405
• An Auction: 409
• You cant lock up ideas in cages like animals or inmates Its just not humane: 410
• Murderers Killer Toasted: 415
• To know more than everyone is to be in more pain than anyone: 416
• Power Shift: 420
• When I write like a teenager I have a squeakier writing voice: 421
• We the People: 426
• Sandra Oh has such a surprising last name Surprise Oh: 427
• Poetry: 431
• I am the shadow behind the laughter: 432
• Famine: 436
• Pure hydration water filteradult diaper: 437
• Plurality: 440
• Call me Clyde Id make a good Clydesdale Call me Dale: 442

Bibliographic information

• Title: A Story That Talks About Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..
• Authors: Jarod Kintz, Benson Bruno
• Publisher: iUniverse, 2011
• ISBN: 1462039367, 9781462039364
• Length: 464 pages
• Subjects: Fiction / Humorous / General