All in My Mind and No One Will Listen

Front Cover
Inspiring Voices, Aug 30, 2012 - Juvenile Nonfiction - 234 pages

After a short, difficult stint in the US Navy, where I developed paranoid schizophrenia, I lived in several places. I lived in Cleveland, Ohio, and the surrounding area, Woonsocket, Rhode Island, and Boulder, Colorado, before settling back with my parents. I wrote this book while living with my parents in the 1980s. I felt I had a story to tell, and I had no one to talk to. I told my story with words. I really do not always know what is real and what is not. I have good word association skills and like writing a little to try and say a lot. I wrote this book exclusively in bars and diners. I wrote because, though I was around people, I was alone. This is how I could talk to myself. I wrote my feelings about the experiences I had lived through in my life. This book is a window into my heart and soul. I hope these poems will have meaning to you.

 

Contents

No Church
112
This Man
113
How Could Some
114
A Childs Determination
115
Overcoming
116
To Loose Everything
117
Why So Many
118
In Oneself
119

Hopefully Talking
9
Not A Winner
10
Just Know Why
11
A Love
12
No Lines
13
No Job
14
To Sing
15
Children Grow
16
Just Believe
17
Same Mistakes
18
Just Caring
19
We All Need Help
20
Time To Stop
21
No Money Needed
22
Give More
23
Trying To Quit
24
They Haunt
25
Just Truth
26
Overcome
27
Talking To Loud
28
Forgive Those
29
Too Little
30
Awaken
31
To Be Timid
32
Natures Kisses
33
Forgive A Few For So Many
34
Why Stop A Life
35
The March
36
Keep Trying
37
The Jealous
38
To Moody
39
The Dating Game
40
With Payment
41
Whats A Choice
42
To Many Ideas
43
A Happy Day
44
Cant Be Recognized
45
No Plan For Home
46
In Our Mind
47
Our Feelings
48
Let Me Forget
49
Overcome Just Overcome
50
Wrong Information
51
Thier Own Thing
52
The Top Bouncer
53
Try To Give
54
Dont Let This Night End
55
Western Challenge
56
A Little To Often
57
Too Sexual
58
As Children Grow
59
Crime Failure
60
High School Truths
61
No Hope
62
Too Few
63
Hopefully Over
64
What Is True
65
A Peaceful Field
66
Shes Mine
67
Treasure Time
68
Think Of Truth
69
What Kind Of Relationship
70
Dedication
71
No Surprises
72
When Youre Right
73
Ones Choice
74
Worrying
75
Coming Of Wisdom
76
Take The Chance
77
Failure In Sight
78
Disturbing
79
Someone Proud
80
Somethings Senseless
81
A Days Toils
82
Flying By
83
It Can Happen
84
A Civil End
85
Make Life Happen
86
The Lost Life
87
To Cherish
88
Giving
89
Growing Together
90
Part Of Me
91
A Natures Strength
92
The Room
93
Carry On
94
To Visit Woonsocket
95
Growing Together
96
Nowhere Usa
97
No End Of Taking
98
Why Has Life
99
Always Running
100
A Readers Prize
101
Lost Ones Way
102
Reaching Goals
103
So Many Times
104
Without Guidance
105
Be Careful
106
A Treat
107
Whos To Decide
108
The Songs Of Nature
109
Those Controlled
110
Time Goes On
111
A Portrait Victim
120
May Someone Save
121
No Dates
122
Boulder Girls
123
Too Many Years
124
Selfishly
125
Which Decision
126
Why The Failure
127
To Comment
128
A Path Of Learning
129
Cnog
130
So Many Truths
131
Growing At A Lost
132
Cnog The Beginning
133
A Psychological Battle
134
No More
135
The Jibberish
136
No More The Weapon
137
No Where To Live
138
Will The Clock Stop
139
A Police Letdown
140
A Better Life
141
The Mistakes
142
Weapons Of Peace
143
For The Proud Girl
144
A Movement Lost
145
Soldier
146
A Torn Mind
147
So Many Men
148
Probably Unhappy
149
A Day Or Two
150
A Chapel
151
The Lonely Job
152
A Buisness Calamity
153
Forget Nyc
154
Civil Obediance
155
An Open Heart
156
The Prisoner
157
State Mental Institution
158
A Few Books
159
Trapped
160
Close The Bar
161
To Many Children
162
No Clouds
163
The Draft
164
The Jounalist
165
Life Goes On
166
Dont Cry
167
There Is So Many
168
Traveling Thoughts
169
Wonderful Feelings
170
Understanding OnesSelf
171
Survival Skills
172
Givng Up
173
Dont Give Up
174
The End
175
To Be Recognized
176
Cant Hold
177
The Price Of Communicating
178
The Math Is Wrong
179
To Conquer The Elements
180
Till When
181
Second Best
182
The Cost
183
The Report
184
To Pass On
185
Pray For Life
186
Some May Be
187
Awarded
188
No Challenge
189
Home Life
190
Cnog
191
Impossible To Lead
192
Rhode Island
193
In Just Thought
194
Many Events
195
Were All Chosen
196
A New Beginning
197
Press On
198
At Peace
199
Learning To Much
200
Dangerous Tack
201
One To Powerful
202
All Can Overcome
203
Not To Brave
204
Mistaken
205
In Touch With Oneself
206
Finding Nature
207
Wherever It Happens
208
Always Alone
209
Good Morning
210
Scared
211
Someone Cares
212
Raising
213
Lifes Toils
214
A Life
215
A Long Time
216
Senses
217
Waiting For A Change
218
Witness
219
Anyone Can
220
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About the author (2012)

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey. I had the typical difficulties in high school. Then I spent some time in the navy. I had some training and worked in the electric shop. However, while serving on a ship, with the situation I found myself in, I developed paranoid schizophrenia.

My life has been a battle to stay on track. I had always dreamed about going to college, but this could not happen for over twenty-five years. I have lived in a few different locations. These were very lonely and difficult times. I did, while still young, move back in with my parents, so far for the duration.

In the 1980s, when this book was written, I never really talked to anyone. Many people were cruel to me. I felt this book was my way of talking. These words mean a lot to me.

Though schizophrenia has stolen my life, I have always tried to contribute to my country, even though there is little an individual can do. I do have my pride, though. Maybe my mind is different, but I like to look at myself as being creative. I might think differently than others, but we are all unique.

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