Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You SoonDEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path. After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja. Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been. For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as: •How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan •The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin •Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet •Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab •How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy •Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks •How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage •What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode •Death Aide certification •And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page! Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people. |
Contents
| 3 | |
| 11 | |
Your Clan and the International Order | 19 |
Ninjaish | 61 |
Ninjalike | 95 |
Who0000000 | 121 |
SECTION III | 171 |
The Worlds | 247 |
Ninjaship | 283 |
SECTION VII | 299 |
Thoughts of Finality from the Ask | 323 |
Other editions - View all
Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing ... Douglas Sarine,Kent Nichols No preview available - 2008 |
Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing ... Douglas Sarine,Kent Nichols No preview available - 2008 |
Common terms and phrases
AANN actually ashiko Ask A Ninja assassins awesomeness baby battle beast bo staff body clan clowns creatures Dagger of Death Danny Grant dark dead deadly demon dragon enemy everything eyes face fast fight fire giant GMPS going gonna Grand Master head hide Hiya Homo sapiens Jerry Bruckheimer jump keep Kevin Bacon Kick kill killer Killersapiens least lives look Lynda Carter magical Meg Ryan merit badge Mermecolions mind mission move movie never ninja master ninja mission ninjalike non-ninja nonja once Order of Ninjas pain person poisonous punch real ninja Realm robots scroll sense shadow shuriken skills slice smaste smoke bomb snake sneak someone sound spin stab star STEP Steven Seagal stick strangle stuff stupid sure sword talking technique tell Tharu thing throw tion turn watch weapon weird wind Zagnut