Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments

Celia Rivenbark

St. Martin's Publishing Group, May 30, 2006 - Humor - 240 pages

From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress).

Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else.

Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal.
So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

Contents

• A Mom Looks at Forty: 3
• Fifties Home Economics Advice: 9
• Mama Celias Marriage Tips: 15
• If Hes So Sick Why Am I So Tired?: 21
• Total Woman This: 27
• A Caveman Weekend: 33
• Big Fake Breasts: 49
• Can Quit Anytime I Like: 63
• Time to Reclaim My Funny Skin?: 73
• Bless Your Heart Tramp: 79
• Thats Mizzeriz to You Kiddo: 87
• Liddy Dole Doesnt Snort: 97
• Lard Is Good Lard Is Great: 103
• This Beer Was Made for Wearin: 112
• Carlos and Ruby: 125
• Fake Dog Testicles: 131
• Ive Scanned So Wheres My Check?: 149
• Clams Flying Batman and Me: 158
• Drowning in the Jury Pool: 173
• Barbie the Telemarketer: 192
• Calling Mom from the Train Tracks: 198
• Fashion Takes a Holiday: 204

About the author

Celia Rivenbark is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, Belle Weather, and You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning. We're Just Like You, Only Prettier won a Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) Book Award for nonfiction and was a finalist for the James Thurber Prize for American Humor. Born and raised in Duplin County, North Carolina, Rivenbark grew up in a small house "with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats." She started out writing for her hometown paper. She writes a weekly, nationally syndicated humor column for the Myrtle Beach Sun News. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Bibliographic information

• Title: Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments
• Author: Celia Rivenbark
• Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group, 2006
• ISBN: 1466801107, 9781466801103
• Length: 240 pages
• Subjects: Humor / Form / Essays; Humor / Topic / Cultural, Ethnic & Regional