How (Not) to Have a Perfect Wedding: Before She Can Live Happily Ever After...She Has to Survive the Big DayAnne is a professional wedding hostess at the most beautiful of the opulent mansions along Newport's seashore. She knows the smile she beams at her guests doesn't have to be sincere, just present. She's managed to maintain the illusion of pleasant composure through ten years of rowdy guests and sobbing brides. However, tonight Anne is afraid she won't be able to hold her tongue, let alone her smile: The wedding from hell has landed on her beautifully manicured lawn. The perfect bride may hope her wedding is beautiful, but would never tell her sister to lose thirty pounds or lose her invitation. The perfect groom might be sad his stag days are over, but could be trusted with the babysitter. The perfect father of the bride may not have had a model marriage, but would never parade his brand new trophy wife in front of his bitter ex-wife. But this is not a perfect wedding. From the caterer to the groom to the barmaid, everyone involved tells the story of a disaster in the making. A romp through the kind of wedding we all want to hear about—but never experience—How (Not) to Have a Perfect Wedding will leave you cringing with delight. |
Contents
1 | |
11 | |
Lose Da Accent | 28 |
Siberia | 38 |
We Hate You | 47 |
The Beauty Queens | 54 |
A Portrait Of The Artist | 65 |
Land Of Dreams | 75 |
Siberia | 189 |
The Way To A Mans Heart | 196 |
A Meeting Of The Minds | 206 |
A Life On The Run | 217 |
Neither Joy Nor Love Nor Light | 227 |
Table For Two | 241 |
Smile God Loves You | 250 |
How Sharper Than a Serpents Tooth | 266 |
What Joy? | 85 |
Its Good To Be Gordon | 95 |
In No Particular Order The Groomsmen | 104 |
Wait A Minute | 115 |
What Kimmy Is Thinking As The Ceremony Winds To A Close | 121 |
Meanwhile Back At The Hotel | 122 |
Belly Up To The Bar | 133 |
Siberia | 141 |
Oh Brother | 149 |
Pity The Poor Photographer | 159 |
So Various So Beautiful So New | 169 |
What Would Jeeves Do? | 182 |
Siberia | 278 |
We Hate You | 283 |
Always A Bridesmaid | 289 |
Power | 298 |
Happily Ever After? | 309 |
Siberia | 320 |
Final Fantasy | 326 |
The Darkling Plain | 333 |
About The Author | 342 |
Back Cover | 343 |
Other editions - View all
How (not) to Have a Perfect Wedding: Before She Can Live Happily Ever After ... Arliss Ryan No preview available - 2007 |