You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning (Google eBook)

Front Cover
Macmillan, Sep 1, 2009 - Humor - 256 pages
20 Reviews
From the author of the bestselling classics We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as:

• Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate

• How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life

• Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering

• Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that?

• Get yer Wassail on: It’s carolin’ time

• Airlines serving up one hot mess

• Action figure Jesus

• Why Clay Aiken ain’t marrying your glandular daughter

• And much more!

Complete with a treasure trove of Celia’s genuine southern recipes, You Can’t Drink All Day if You Don’t Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.


  

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Review: You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

User Review  - Jeanne - Goodreads

THis book was okay, I was able to finish the whole thing, but it definitely wasn't as good as I expected and hoped it to be. I would say the Target Audience is probably a mother, and possibly someone ... Read full review

Review: You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

User Review  - Rachel Sarino - Goodreads

This book had me in stitches, I enjoyed the raw and honest take on life in that southern drawl. I appreciated the short stories and I looked forward to catching up with it every evening on my porch, laughing my behind off. I haven't got around to reading her other books but I plan to. Read full review

Contents

Perfect Attendance Nuts Dont Care
1
2 Poseable Jesus Meets Poser Ken
11
3 Lets Go See Gobbler Up at the Funeral Home
19
Dreams 1 Snot 0
31
5 Miss North Carolina Is Too Nice to Hate
39
6 My Manservant Can Kick Your Ass
49
7 Playing the Bingo with ACissy and ABobby
57
8 Airlines Serving Up One Hot Mess
65
16 I Want to be a Margo but Im Really a Shanaenae
141
17 It Is What It ing Is
151
18 Lessons Taught Here
159
19 The Wrestler and the Fan
167
20 No TV? Ill Put My Carbon Footprint Up Your Behind
177
Shaggin with the Sorta Stars
187
22 Get Yer Wassail On Its Carolin Time
195
23 Sex Every Night for a Year? How Do You Wrap That?
205

9 Gladys Kravitz Wouldve Loved Her Some Facebook
73
10 Gwyneth Paltrow Wants to Improve Your Pathetic Life
83
11 Jon Kate Plus 8 Better Without the Kids
93
12 Clay Aiken Aint Marrying Your Glandular Daughter
103
13 What? Your Preacher Doesnt Stand on a Bucket?
113
14 Chances of Getting in the Hall of Fame? Very Rare
123
15 When Celia Met Sally A Convertible Love Story
133
24 Japanese Moms Meet Most Honorable Uncrustables
213
25 Strapped for Cash? Try Cat Whisperin
223
26 Mamas Dont Let Your Sons Grow Up to Be Cheaters
231
The Future Is Bloody Well DecidedOr Is It?
239
Acknowledgments
243
Copyright

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About the author (2009)

Celia Rivenbark is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank; Bless Your Heart, Tramp; and Belle Weather. We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier won a Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) Book Award for nonfiction and was a finalist for the James Thurber Prize for American Humor. Born and raised in Duplin County, North Carolina, Rivenbark grew up in a small house “with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats.” She started out writing for her hometown paper. She writes a weekly, nationally syndicated humor column for the Myrtle Beach Sun News. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.

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