Self-esteem is essential for psychological survival. It is an emotional sine qua non - without some measure of self-worth, life can be enormously painful, with many basic needs going unmet. One of the main factors differentiating humans from other animals is the awareness of self: the ability to form an identity and then attach a value to it. In other words, you have the capacity to define who you are and then decide if you like that identity or not. The problem of self-esteem is this human capacity for judgment. It's one thing to dislike certain colors, noises, shapes, or sensations. But when you reject parts of yourself, you greatly damage the psychological structures that literally keep you alive. Judging and rejecting yourself causes enormous pain. And in the same way that you would favor and protect a physical wound, you find yourself avoiding anything that might aggravate the pain of self-rejection in any way. You take fewer social, academic, or career risks. You make it more difficult for yourself to meet people, interview for a job, or push hard for something where you might not succeed. You limit your ability to open yourself with others, express your sexuality, be the center of attention, hear criticism, ask for help, or solve problems. This book is about stopping the judgments. It's about healing the old wounds of hurt and self-rejection. How you perceive and feel about yourself can change. And when those perceptions and feelings change, the ripple effect will touch every part of your life with a gradually expanding sense of freedom.
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The Nature of SelfEsteem
The Pathological Critic
Disarming the Critic
Goal Setting and Planning
Hypnosis for SelfAcceptance
Im Still Not OK
Building SelfEsteem in Children
More New Harbinger Titles
Responding to Criticism
Asking for What You Want
accept achieve affirmations anger angry attack awareness basic behavior better breath canít chapter child childís client cognitive distortions cognitive restructuring compassion consequences core beliefs couldnít criticís didnít dinner distorted distorted thinking doesnít emotional example exercise experience failure fear feel felt forgive friends global labels goals guilt heís healthy hear Hereís hurt hypnosis imagine important isnít judgment keep kids language of self-esteem let go listen look low self-esteem mantra means mind reading mistakes negative never notice pain parents pathological critic person positive praise problem rebuttals reinforced rejection relationship relaxed remember response rules screen self-compassion self-concept self-statements sense sexual situation someone specific step stop strengths stupid talk tell tension Therapist things thoughts tions understand visualization voice Whatís wonít worth worthless write wrong youíll youíve