People Skills (Google eBook)

Front Cover
Simon and Schuster, Nov 24, 2009 - Psychology - 324 pages
37 Reviews
Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution.

A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you....

People Skills is a communication-skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these “roadblocks” damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations.

People Skills will show you:

· How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques

· How body language often speaks louder than words

· How to use silence as a valuable communication tool

· How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments

Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.
  

What people are saying - Write a review

User ratings

5 stars
15
4 stars
16
3 stars
5
2 stars
1
1 star
0

Review: People Skills

User Review  - Albert Cacace - Goodreads

I read this book in the late 80's shortly after it was published and it changed my life. I read it again in 2005 and I've recommended it to several folks over the years. I don't know of anyone who has taken my advice -- but I sure wish some of them did. This book is a must read for everyone. Read full review

Review: People Skills

User Review  - Jeannine - Goodreads

Good basic intro to the subject. Read full review

Contents

Humanitys Supreme Achievement 4 The Ineffectiveness of Most
12
Be a Problem 21 Avoiding the Others Concerns 23 Roadblock Number Thir
26
PART
27
The Importance of Listening 30 Listening Defined 32 Listening Skill Clusters
48
Reflective Responses Provide aMirror to theSpeaker 50 Paraphrasing 51
61
Style and Structure in Listening 63 Six Peculiarities of Human Communication
75
Reflect the Feelings Back to the Sender 87 A Clear But Confusing
88
CHAPTER SEVEN
89
Surprise Attack 159 The Human Tendency to Be Defensive 160 The Upward
175
CHAPTER ELEVEN
177
Natural and Logical Consequences 191 Stop the Action Accept
201
Conflict Is Unavoidable 206 Conflict Is Disruptive andlor Destructive 206
215
Focus on the Emotions First 217 The Conflict Resolution Method 218
231
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
232
Seeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem Solving 238
249
In Communication Skills Alone Are Insufficient 259 Genuineness 259 Non
273

Guidelines for Improved Listening 90 Beyond Reflective Listening 100 When
112
The SuhmissionAssertionAggression Continuum 123 Payoffs
138
Effective and Ineffective Ways ofConfrontation 143 Writing ThreePart Assertion
157

Common terms and phrases

Popular passages

Page 17 - You will find yourself agreeing, or disagreeing, or making some judgment about me such as "He must be a conservative," or "He seems solid in his thinking." Or let us take an illustration from the international scene. Russia says vehemently, "The treaty with Japan is a war plot on the part of the United States." We rise as one person to say "That's a lie!
Page 17 - Although the tendency to make evaluations is common in almost all interchange of language, it is very much heightened in those situations where feelings and emotions are deeply involved. So the stronger our feelings, the more likely it is that there will be no mutual element in the communication. There will be just two ideas, two feelings, two judgments, missing each other in psychological space.
Page 4 - Learn to avoid excessive expectation, Become tolerant of themselves and others, Giving and taking, in the usual actions What there is to give and take. They do not repine ; Are contented with the morning that separates And with the evening that brings together For casual talk before the fire Two people who know they do not understand each other, Breeding children whom they do not understand And who will never understand them.
Page 17 - Well, they actually weren't talking about the same thing." And they were not. Each was making a judgment, an evaluation, from his own frame of reference. There was really nothing which could be called communication in any genuine sense. This tendency to react to any emotionally meaningful statement by forming an evaluation of it from our own point of view is, I repeat, the major barrier to interpersonal communication.
Page 17 - I thought it was terrible," or else you tend to reply, "Oh, I thought it was really good." In other words, your primary reaction is to evaluate it from your point of view, your own frame of reference. Or take another example. Suppose I say with some feeling, "I think the Republicans are behaving in ways that show a lot of good sound sense these days.
Page 6 - When somebody's presence does really make itself felt, it can refresh my inner being ; it reveals me to myself, it makes me more fully myself than I should be if I were not exposed to its impact.

References to this book

All Book Search results »

About the author (2009)

Robert Bolton, Ph.D., is president of Ridge Consultants in Cazenovia, New York, a firm that specializes in improving human performance in industry, health care, education, and government. His staff has taught communication skills to thousands of managers, salespersons, first-line supervisors, secretaries, customer-relations personnel, teachers, members of the clergy, health-care workers, couples, and others.

Bibliographic information