We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle (Google eBook)

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Macmillan, Apr 1, 2010 - Humor - 288 pages
234 Reviews
"On the short drive to the preschool,
I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and
toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old.
Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself.
Studies have shown that it's very important
for familes to eat together. . . . "

Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes.

What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again.

What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on.

Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much.

What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart.

In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

  

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Review: We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

User Review  - Mary - Goodreads

I am not usually a fan of short story collections, but some of these were absolute gems! I started this book on a trip for work and had to stifle so much laughter on the plane my chest hurt by the time I arrived in Florida. Relatable and down right spot on at times - fun, quick read. Read full review

Review: We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle

User Review  - Jennifer - Goodreads

LOVED IT! I laughed all the way through. I am shaking my head in agreement to everything she writes as I read it. Read full review

Contents

Papa Dont Preach
1
Stop Watching Your Plasma TV and Start Selling
3
Silly Lawsuits Could Clog a Toto
9
Baby Born Wont Poop
11
Theres a Hair in My Bacon Grease
19
Mama and Them Precious and Dahlin
25
Here Comes the Bride
32
Where Were You When Stringbean Passed?
43
Sick of Seeing Men at Those Couples Baby
131
Jne outneln Woman
143
Poodle on Pergo
154
Mothers Day Memories
164
Meet Manwich the Working
175
Screw the Wisdom of Menopause
185
Birthday Greetings from the Insurance Ghouls
191
Jne ytavy on me Ljli
201

Chuck E Cheeses
51
And What Did You Have for Breakfast Dear?
59
Your Kids Fever Is So High the Others
71
Preschool Already?
78
PssstWanna Buy Some Really Ugly Gift Wrap?
85
How to Be a HandsOn Parent Using Field Trips
92
Your Face and Hes Honking in the Carport
105
Never Saw Em Before in My Life
112
Study Says Men Listen with Half Their Brains
119
Big Screen Big Tallywacker
125
SUVs Eat the Ozone?
208
Feeling Squirrely
216
And Now a Word from the Cockpit
222
This Just In from the Workplace
228
TV or Not
236
Cirrus Schmirrus Theyre AllJust Puffy
246
Or How My Trash Cart Nearly Killed Me
259
Epilogue
267
Copyright

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About the author (2010)

Celia Rivenbark is the author of Bless Your Heart, Tramp. She writes a weekly column, "From the Belle Tower," for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina, with her husband and daughter. Visit her Web site at www.celiarivenbark.com

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