Artemus Ward: His Works, Complete ... with Fifty Illustrations, and a Biographical Sketch (Google eBook)

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G. W. Carleton & Company, 1877 - 337 pages
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Page 171 - The very head and front of my offending Hath this extent, no more. Rude am I in my speech, And little bless'd with the set phrase of peace ; For since these arms of mine had seven years...
Page 87 - Michygan went up on top the house, got into the chimney and slid down into the parler where Old Abe was endeverin to keep the hungry pack of orfice-seekers from chawin him up alive without benefit of clergy. The minit he reached the fire-place he jumpt up, brusht the soot out of his eyes, and yelled : " Don't make eny pintment at the Spunkville postoffiss till you've read my papers. All the respectful men in our town is signers to that there dockyment...
Page 185 - Dear daughters-in-law," said Reginald's mother, " how unseemly is this anger. Mules is five hundred dollars a span, and every identical mule my poor boy had has been gobbled up by the red man. I knew •when my Reginald staggered into the door-yard that he was on the Die, but if I'd only thunk to ask him about them mules ere his gentle spirit took flight, it would have been four thousand dollars in our pockets, and no mistake ! Excuse those real tears, but you've never felt a parent's feelin's.
Page 60 - US sogers, hosstensibly sent out thare to smash the mormons, but really to eat Salt vittles & play poker & other beautiful but sumwhat onsartin games. I got acquainted with sum of the officers.
Page 187 - Be mine — be mine !" he enthusiastically cried, " and we will show the world a striking illustration of the beauty and truth of the noble lines, only a good deal more so — " ' Twenty-one souls with a single thought, Twenty-one hearts that beat as one !' " They were united, they were ' Gentle reader, does not the moral of this romance show that — does it not, in fact, show that however many there may be of a young widow woman, or rather does it not show that whatever number of persons one woman...
Page 71 - who are you?" He sed he was Kurnal of the Seventy Fust Regiment, Her Magisty's troops. I told him I hoped the Seventy Onesters was in good helth, and was passin by when he ceased hold of me agin, and sed in a tone of indigent cirprise: "What? Impossible! It kannot be! Blarst my hize, sir, did I understan you to say that you was actooally goin into the presents of his Royal Iniss?" "That's what's the matter with me,
Page 60 - I make it a pint to git along plesunt, tho I didn't know what under the Son the old feller was drivin at. He sed I mite show. " You air a marrid man, Mister Yung, I bleeve ? " sez I, preparin to rite him som free parsis. " I hev eighty wives, Mister Ward. I sertinly am marrid.
Page 50 - ... farm jined our'n ; their cows and our'n squencht their thurst at the same spring ; our old mares both had stars in their forrerds ; the measles broke out in both famerlies at nearly the same period ; our parients (Betsy's and mine) slept reglarly every Sunday in the same meetin house, and the nabers used to obsarve, " How thick the Wards and Peasleys air...
Page 51 - ... continnered on in this strane probly for sum time, but unfortnitly I lost my ballunse and fell over into the pastur ker smash, tearin my close and seveerly damagin myself ginerally. Betsy Jane sprung to my assistance in dubble quick time and dragged me 4th. Then drawin herself up to her full hite she sed : "I won't listen to your noncents no longer.
Page 271 - I wish you were nearer to it — so you could see it better. I wish I could take it to your residences and let you see it by daylight. Some of the greatest artists in London come here every morning before daylight with lanterns to look at it. They say they never saw anything like it before and they hope they never shall again.

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