It's Not About the Whip
I first started exploring Dominance and submission with my friend Bailey. We went camping one summer in the White Mountains of New Hampshire, and in the dark of the tent we shared our secret fantasies. I told him about wanting to be controlled in a sexual manner, although I didn't really know what that meant. Bailey knew. To my extreme embarrassment he ordered me to masturbate, right there in the tent, right there in front of him. Then, when I was just short of orgasm, he made me stop. When I had cooled down, he started all over again. This feeling of being so close and then not being allowed release created an erotic pain, a submission that thrilled me. I wanted more. This would be the experience that turned me on to the world of BDSM: Bondage & Discipline; Dominance & Submission; and Sadism & Masochism When Bailey and I started looking for information on what we were doing, we found the book Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns, which is still my favorite, not only for its content, but also for its lighthearted approach. Today there are many books on safety, apparatus, and erotica, but few that explore the power exchange from an emotional and spiritual point of view. Yet, it is this transformational aspect that makes my heart and body sing. As I explored this lifestyle, I began to see how my BDSM experiences had a relationship to my spiritual path. I would describe my spiritual approach as Taoist in nature, with a relativist twist. This is why I capitalize both Dominant and Submissive; because just as in the yin/yang symbol, they are equal and interlocked parts of each other. Going into subspace isn't just kinky sex for me, although it sure does turn me on. It's also an entre into a mystical place similar to a walking meditation. The everyday world recedes, and I become more in touch with my own nature and with my higher power. Through exploring my BDSM orientation, I became more grounded and focused. This book is a collection of columns that I wrote over the last few years as I recovered from a very painful breakup (just like a country song). The first section includes my personal reflections about being a Submissive, a Switch, and yes, a Dominant too. The second section includes the writing I've done in some unconventional, and sometimes controversial areas. The third section, Dating in the Scene follows the somewhat entertaining stories of my dating life. The fourth section, Diary of a Journalist Submissive, is the story about my experience at House Mermaid. In the fifth section I write about how the BDSM community has changed my views about our place in society. Finally, I write about being Sensuous Sadie, and how being a leader and a writer has changed my life. I'm hoping my travels through these strange and mystical places will light your path as well. What people say about Sadie's Writing: With her generous spirit and questing intelligence, Sadie isn't satisfied merely to have been there and done that - she needs to find out what it all means. Her insights will help speed many others along on their own journeys toward sexual self-revelation. ~ Gary Switch, Contributing Editor, Prometheus It's very educating to get into Sadie's mind through her writings. She definitely has a unique and refreshing view on what we do. ~ Sir Victor, Leader of DomSubFriends of New York City It is evident that Sadie's writing comes from the heart of someone in the D/s lifestyle. It's nice for a change to have someone with experience in what they write. ~ Angel Babee, Leader of Sisters in Submission Sadie's scene writings are fresh, witty and observant. ~ Mayafire, Co-Leader of Albany Power Exchange (APeX), of New York Sadie writes with compassion and conviction about the complexities of BDSM. Her writing has given voice to the needs and dreams of our community. ~ Jonathan, Executive Director of Rose & Thorn of Vermont Your writing voice is clear without being strident and the breezy tone helps keep the sturm und drang out of what is surely a subject filled with a bit too much of that. Most of what I read on the web is so hopelessly cloying, overdone or just plain bad, so this a refreshing counterpoint. ~ Anne Marie Delaney Sensuous Sadie is an exceptional writer, with a zest for the lifestyle few have. ~ Lady Bleu, Editor of DomSubLifestyle Online I find Sensuous Sadie's writing style an easy to read and refreshing view of the BDSM lifestyle from a real time player. She is a great resource with her perspective from both the top and the bottom. ~ Lord Battista, Erotic Power Exchange Dominion Julian Robinson's review of Sadie's book
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