English as She is Spoke: Or, A Jest in Sober Earnest (Google eBook)

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G. P. Putnam's sons, 1884
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Only one of the most unintentionally brilliant books ever written. The Portuguese author, who spoke no English, nevertheless bravely set about writing a phrase book, relying on a French/Portuguese phrase book, and an English/French phrasebook. The results are masterful and sidesplitting.

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Page 1 - A. choice of familiar dialogues, clean of gallicisms, and despoiled phrases, it was missing jet to studious Portuguese and brazilian Youth ; and also to persons of other nations, that wish to know the Portuguese language. We sought all we may do, to correct that want, composing and divising the present little work in two parts. The first includes a greatest vocabulary proper names by alphabetical order ; and the second fourty three Dialogues adapted to the usual precisions of the life.
Page 4 - We expect then, who the little book (for the care what we wrote him, and for her typographical correction) that may be worth the acceptation of the studious persons, and especialy of the Youth, at which we dedicate him particularly.
Page 48 - Not so sorry, because the selling of hers hide have bring me above the price of the muttons.
Page 34 - For to ride a horse. Here is a horse who have a bad looks. Give me another ; I will not that. He not sail know to march, he is pursy, he is foundered. Don't you are ashamed to give me a jade as like ? he is undshoed, he is with nails up ; it want to lead to the farrier.
Page 48 - Not quit, because I had married with a bad woman.' 'So much worse.' ' Not so much great deal worse ; because her dower was from two thousand lewis.
Page 3 - Works fill of imperfections, and anomalies of style; in spite of the infinite typographical faults which some times, invert the sense of the periods. It increase not to contain any of those Works the figured pronunciation of the english words, nor the prosodical accent in the portuguese; indispensable object whom wish to speak the english and portuguese languages correctly.
Page 34 - TO INFORM ONE'SELF OF A PERSON " How is that gentilman who you did speak by and by ? "Is a German. "I did think him Englishman. " He is of the Saxony side. " He speak the french very well. "Tough he is German, he speak so much well italyan, french, Spanish and english, that among the Italyans, they believe him Italyan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches himselves. The Spanishesmen believe him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englisman. It is difficult to enjoy well so much several langages.
Page 24 - No, sir, he sleep yet. I go make that he get up. It come in one's ? How is it, you are in bed yet ? Yesterday at evening, I was to bed so late that I may not rising me soon that morning. Well ! what you have done after 'the supper ? We have sung, danced, laugh and played. What game ? To the picket. Whom I am sorry do not have know it ! Who have prevailed upon ? I had gained ten lewis. Till at what o'clock its had play one ? Un till two o'clock after mid night. At what o'clock are you go to bed. Half...
Page xii - Your pistols are its loads ? No ; I forgot to buy gun-powder and balls. Let us prick. Go us more fast never I was seen a so much bad beast ; she will not nor to bring forward neither put back. Strek him the bridle, hold him the reins sharters. Pique stron gly, make to marsh him.
Page 42 - The fishing. That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing. I do like-it too much. Here, there is a wand and some hooks. Silence ! there is a superb perch ! Give me quick the rod. Ah ! there is, it is a lamprey. You mistake you, it is a frog ! dip again it in the water. With a furniture tradesman. It seems no me new. Pardon me, it comes workman's hands. Which hightness want you its ? I want almost four feet six thumbs wide's, over seven of long.

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