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abuse ACODPs actually adult children anger angry aware beat the odds became become behavior Bev's Story blended family caretaker caused cerebral cortex chapter chil child childhood wounds children of divorced codependent communication couples created deal depression Digging Deeper Exercise divorced parents dren emotional empathy father felt fight or flight forgiveness Fred and Ginger frustration GIFT Exercise going guilt hard healing healthy hurt IGMP Exercise insecurity intact families interactivity issues kids knew learned leave limbic system live look marital marriage married mate Melissa mother motives negative offender old brain old brainers other's needs parents divorced partner passive-aggressive passive-aggressive behavior phenylethylamine problems reactivity realized rela relationship resolve conflict responsibility riage role self-esteem self-fulfilling prophecy share siblings soul wounds spouse stay stepfamily tell things thought tion Tom's toxic subjects trauma triggered trouble trust truth uncon unhealthy