Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life (Google eBook)

Front Cover
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Nov 1, 2001 - Humor - 160 pages
6 Reviews
Acclaimed and beloved prize-winning essayist Roger Rosenblatt has commented on most of the trends and events of our time. His columns in Time magazine and his commentaries on PBS's News Hour with Jim Lehrer have made him a household word and a trusted friend of millions. With a wry sense of humor and inimitable wit, Rosenblatt offers here guidelines for aging that are both easy to understand and, more importantly, easy to implement.

More and more in the news today, we are hearing about phenomenal advances in the "fight against aging." But what Rosenblatt suggests to combat age is far more valuable than any scientific breakthrough-he breaks down the hardest part of aging, the mental anguish of growing older with fifty-four gems of funny, brilliant, wise, indispensable advice.

A book to savor, a book to keep, and a book for all ages.

This little guide is intended for people who wish to age successfully, or at all. . . . One may think of this work as a how-to book, akin to many health guides published these days, whose purpose is to prolong our lives and make them richer. That is the aim of my book, too. -from the Introduction

And this is just the start of Roger Rosenblatt's charming and thought-provoking guide to surviving the episodes that shamelessly shave years off of our lives. With a wry sense of humor and peerless wit, Rules for Aging provides guidance that is, hands down, the most practical, pleasurable and, most importantly, painless advice you'll ever receive. As Rosenblatt writes, "When I urge you to refrain from a certain thought or course of action, I do not mean to suggest that you are in any way wrong if you do the opposite. I mean only to say that you will suffer."

Rule #1: It doesn't matter
Whatever you think matters-doesn't. Follow this rule, and it will add decades to your life. It does not matter if you are late, or early; if you are here, or if you are there; if you said it, or did not say it; if you were clever, or if you were stupid; if you are having a bad hair day, or a no hair day; if your boss looks at you cockeyed; if your girlfriend or boyfriend looks at you cockeyed; if you don't get that promotion, or prize, or house, or if you do. It doesn't matter.
  

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Review: Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life

User Review  - Betsy Ashton - Goodreads

On first blush, Rosenblatt's slim advice volume reads like a day-at-a-glance calendar. It is. And it isn't. If this were a calendar, it would have 58 days. If you read this at your office, you'd annoy ... Read full review

Review: Rules for Aging: A Wry and Witty Guide to Life

User Review  - Sean Goh - Goodreads

It doesn't matter. It's not about you. The game is played away from the ball - non-crisis moments are where people spend most of their time Pay attention to such moments. Wit is usually used to put others down, refrain. Read full review

Selected pages

Contents

1 It doesnt matter
1
2 Nobody is thinking about you
3
3 Let bad enough alone
5
4 Ignore your enemy or kill him
11
5 Boo yourself off the stage
15
6 Yes you did
17
7 After the age of 30 it is unseemly to blame ones parents for ones life
19
8 If something is boring you it is probably you
21
32 If they tell you that its a long shotit is
83
33 Never bring news of slander to a friend
85
34 Its not about you
87
35 Never say any of the following
91
36 If you want to keep a man honest never call him a liar
93
37 The waitress is not waiting for you
95
38 Push the wheel forward
97
39 Dress for duress
101

9 Stay clear of anyoneother than a clergymanwho refers to God more than once in an hour
23
10 Swine rules
25
11 Listen for the word Great
29
12 Listen for the question What are you talking about?
31
13 Appearance is frequently reality
33
14 Be not witty neither shalt thou be clever
35
15 Pursue virtue but dont sweat it
41
16 Do not go to your left
45
17 Everyones work is magnificent
49
18 Consult everyone on everything and dont forget to send ingratiating notes
51
19 Strife is better than loneliness
55
20 And loneliness is better than Eggs Benedict
57
21 Male and female compatibility rules
59
22 Run when you hear any of the following in a sentence
61
23 Never miss an opportunity to do nothing
63
24 Do not go for Cyranos nose
65
25 That couldnt be a book
69
26 Do not keep company with people who speak of careers
71
27 Just because the person who criticizes you is an idiot doesnt make him wrong
73
28 Never go to a cocktail party and in any case do not stay more than 20 minutes
75
29 Envy no oneever
77
30 Believe everyonealways
79
31 Do not attempt to improve anyone especially when you know it will help
81
40 A long and happy life lasts five minutes
103
42 The unexamined life lasts longer
107
43 No they dontand so what?
109
44 Abjure fame but avoid obscurity
111
45 Fast and steady wins the race
115
46 To thine own self be trueunless you would like to besome someone else
117
47 Culture rules
119
48 If its just a teenyweeny bit wrongdestroy it
121
49 Never think on vacation
123
50 As long as I am on the subject Change no more than oneeighth of your life at a time
125
51 Expect gratitude from everybody for everything
127
52 Live in the past but dont remember too much
129
53 Never do it for the money
131
54 Remember the Amana
133
55 If you are strange enough they will come
135
56 Never light the fire from the top
137
57 The game is played away from the ball
139
58 Apologize reconcile give help
141
Back Matter
143
Back Flap
149
Back Cover
150
Spine
151
Copyright

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About the author (2001)

Winner of a Robert F. Kennedy Book Prize, a Peabody Award, an Emmy, and two Polk awards, Roger Rosenblatt is University Professor of Writing at Long Island University Southampton College. He writes essays for Time magazine and for The News Hour with Jim Lehrer. He lives in Manhattan and Quogue, Long Island.

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