The Six Stages of Parenthood

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Da Capo Press, Jan 1, 1987 - Family & Relationships - 364 pages
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Almost all books for parents focus on the way children develop. Ellen Galinsky, instead, writes about how parents develop. Drawing on the work in adult development of Erik Erikson and Daniel Levinson, she describes six distinct stages in the life of a parent: the image-making that occurs during pregnancy; the nurturing role that swallows parents up from birth through the first couple of years; the authority parents must develop as small children show independence; the interpretive stage when parents explain the world and their values to school-age children; the interdependent stage when teenagers challenge authority; and the departure years when parents let go and take stock of their accomplishments and failures.
  

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User Review  - Trish Dizon-rosal - Goodreads

Good insight on having to evolve as a parent too, but not so engaging. Read full review

Contents

The ImageMaking Stage
14
Images Are a Rehearsal
15
Images Are Based on Memories
17
Images Are Influenced by Circumstances
18
Images Are Influenced by Culture
20
Images Can Be at Odds
21
Images Can Be Denied
22
Accepting the Pregnancy
23
Evaluations Are Based on Images
187
Evaluations Are Also Based on Comparisons
189
Parents Interpret Their Children to Their Children
190
Parents Have Images About Their Childrens SelfConcepts
191
Parents Reconcile Their Own Judgments with the Judgments of Others
192
Parents Reconcile Their Childs SelfEvaluations with Their Own
194
Children Now Have Images of Parenting
195
Separating and Connecting
196

Images and Realities
24
Preparing for Parenthood
26
Images and Realities
29
ControlLoss of Control
31
Evaluating the Relationships with Ones Parents
32
GivingGetting
35
Evaluating the Relationship with Ones Partner
36
Pregnancy Brings Changes in the Couple Relationship
39
IndependenceDependence
41
Forming Images of Future Roles
42
Evaluating Relationships with Friends
43
NostalgiaImpatience
45
No Turning Back
46
Birth and Fears of Death
47
The Nurturing Stage
49
Reconciling Ones Images of Birth with Reality
50
Images and Realities
56
Bonding
60
Facing the Feelings of Attachment
63
AffinityDissimilarity
64
Can I Take Care of My Baby?
65
Getting to Know the Baby
68
The ParentChild Relationship Is Interactive
69
Getting to Know Oneself
71
SeparatenessConnectedness
73
Attachment
75
Fathers and Attachment
76
The Importance of Attachment
79
A Changing Sense of Self
80
Postpartum Depression
84
ParentParent Relationships
86
PushPull Feelings
87
Does Birth Precipitate a Crisis for the Couple?
89
ParentGrandparent Relationships
90
Sibling Rivalry
92
Changed Relationships with Relatives and Friends
94
Successes in the Transition to Parenthood
95
Problems in the Transition to Parenthood
96
Redefining Relationships in the Early Years
97
Changing as the Baby Changes
98
Giving and Getting
99
Holding OnLetting Go
100
Images and Reality
101
Connections to Grandparents
102
Reestablishing Couple Relationships
106
Friends and Mentors
110
Away on the Job
112
Effects on the ParentChild Relationship
113
Effects on Parents
114
Identity in the Nurturing Stage
115
The Authority Stage
120
Developing Authority
122
Illusory Images
123
The Image of No Anger
124
The Image of Unconditional Love
126
The Image That Children Are Always Nice
129
The Image That My Child Will Stay the Same
130
Circumstances Can Affect the Loss of Images
131
Establishing and Enforcing Limits
135
Images That Work
137
Images Denied
138
Images That Are Revised
139
Understanding the Child
140
Avoiding Battles of Will
145
Authority and the Other Parent
146
Authority and the NonParent
147
The Mentor Relationship
148
Successes Failures and Growth
149
Gaining Distance
151
Time for Self Time for Children
153
PushPull Feelings
155
Separations and Reunions
158
The Child in a Widening World
159
Reevaluating Perfection
162
Wanting a New Baby
164
How Protective Must a Parent Be?
165
Dealing with Sex Roles and Identity
166
Communicating About Sexuality
168
The Oedipal Relationship
172
The Childs Emerging Identity
176
The Interpretive Stage
179
Evaluations and Anticipations
180
School Is Often the Trigger
181
Interpreting Oneself as a Parent
182
Evaluations Are Based on Images
183
Parents Interpret Themselves to Their Children
185
Interpreting Ones Children to the Children
186
Parents Psychological History Is Influential
198
New Connections
199
Interpreting the World to the Children
200
GivingGetting
201
Interpreting Facts Skills and Experiences
202
TellingListening
204
Setting Behavior Standards
207
Redefining the Authority Relationship
208
Responding to Childrens Concepts of Fairness
210
Responding to Sibling Combat
211
ControlOut of Control
212
Deciding How Involved to Be
214
Parents Have Images of Involvement
215
Parents Have Images of Their Partners Involvement
216
Time for Oneself
217
Time for Work
218
Time for Ones Partner
219
Holding OnLetting Go
221
Parents Involvement with Other Significant Adults
222
SupportLack of Support
223
A Changing Relationship Between Parent and Child
228
Anticipating the Teenage Years
230
The Interdependent Stage
232
Sometimes Images Dont Hold Up
233
The Image That the Child Wont Change
234
Moments of Pride Moments of Pain
236
Adapting to a New Authority Relationship
238
Problems Can Seem Foreign
241
Parents Have Less Control
242
Images About Authority Come from Many Sources
243
The Loss of an Image
244
Images That Are Revised
245
Images That Are Realized
250
Communicating with Teenagers
252
Old and New Ways of Communicating
254
Setting Limits and Giving Guidance
255
Understanding Oneself
256
Changing as the Teenager Changes
258
Avoiding a Battle of Wills
259
Youth vs Midlife
260
The ParentParent Relationship
261
The ParentGrandparent Relationship
262
Images Form a Mental Guide
265
Sexuality and Separation
266
The Teenagers Sexuality Affects the Parents Sexuality
268
The Beginning vs the Close of the Reproductive Cycle
269
Accepting the Teenagers Identity
270
The Grown Child
271
Feelings About Sex Roles
272
Parents Are Engaged in Their Own Evaluations
274
Teenagers Are Also Evaluating Parents
275
Forming New Bonds with the AlmostGrown Children
276
Separateness Brings Feelings of Envy
277
Separateness Also Stirs Up Fears
278
The Teenagers Travels Are a Portent
279
The Parent Without Children
280
Idealism vs Realism
282
The Interdependent Relationship
283
The Departure Stage
284
Anticipating an Ending
286
Recalling Beginnings
289
Adapting to the Departure
290
Redefinitions of Identity
291
Parents Reexamine Their Other Important Relationships
293
Changing Images
294
The Image That Parenthood Is Over
295
The Image That the Grown Child Will Be Settled
296
The Image That the Relationship Was Close to Perfect
298
Images About the PostDeparture Relationship
299
Images Can Be at Odds
300
Unfulfilled Images
302
Loosening Control
305
SeparatenessConnectedness
306
Accepting the Grown Childs Separate Identity
307
Problems from the Past Can Resurface
309
Learning to Live with People Who Are Different
310
Taking Stock of Successes and Failures
311
Facing the Death of a Child
314
Altered Images
315
Daydreams of Reunions
316
Epilogue
318
Appendix
320
Notes
322
Bibliography
334
Index
350
Copyright

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About the author (1987)

Ellen Galinsky has been on the faculty of Bank Street College of Education in New York City for over twenty years. She directs many national and international research projects there and is a consultant on child and adult development to day-care programs, corporations, and the media. She is the author of The New Extended Family, Family Matters in the Preschool Years, and Beginnings.

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