"Walks about Chicago," 1871-1881: And army and miscellaneous sketches (Google eBook)

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Belford, Clarke, 1882 - Chicago (Ill.) - 278 pages
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Page 19 - ... dispositions. Whenever a Westside woman gets to weigh 270 pounds, she immediately starts out in favor of woman's rights. In this way, she is able to afford great weight to the cause which she advocates. Every woman in Westside once lived on The Avenue of a place known as Southside. Whenever she goes downtown, she goes to visit a friend on The Avenue. Whenever she has been downtown, she has been to call on a friend who lives on The Avenue. A good many ladies who live in Westside carry the idea,...
Page 41 - Orphea nequiquam voce vocatur. adfuit ille quidem, sed nee sollemnia verba nee laetos vultus nee felix attulit omen. 5 fax quoque, quam tenuit, lacrimoso stridula fumo usque fuit nullosque invenit motibus ignes. exitus auspicio gravior : nam nupta per herbas dum nova naiadum turba comitata vagatur, occidit in talum serpentis dente recepto.
Page 20 - It likewise has no opera house which is used as a circus. Its principal local amusements consist, among the men, in chewing tobacco, and among the women, in going to church. Whenever there is a corner in Westside not occupied as a drugstore, it is occupied by a church. All the churches in Westside have something going on in them every evening, and seven afternoons in every week, and four times every Sunday. Whenever there is anything going on in any church, they toll the bell for an hour and a quarter...
Page 17 - ... geography, must have visited, or must have seen, a place known as Westside. It is one of the largest places of its size, and the most singular in respect to its singularity, in the world. To get to Westside, the traveler provides himself with a waterproof suit of clothing, an umbrella, a life preserver, and a box of troches. He then enters an immense hole under ground which leads mainly westward in one direction, and eastward in another. This subterranean entrance to Westside was constructed...
Page 17 - ANY person who has ever traveled much, or who has studied physical geography, must have visited, or must have seen, a place known as Westside. It is one of the largest places of its size, and the most singular in respect to its singularity, in the world. To get to Westside, the traveler provides himself with a waterproof suit of clothing, an umbrella, a life preserver, and a box of troches. He then enters an immense hole under ground which leads mainly westward in one direction, and eastward in another....
Page 19 - ... was that did it. Whenever a man in Westside builds a house and puts up a fence in front of it, he immediately calls the space in front of his lot an avenue. Almost every Westsider lives on an avenue. Sometimes a Westside avenue is as much as two hundred or three hundred feet long. Every other shop in Westside is owned by a butcher, who has always a bloody and half-skinned calf hanging up in his door for a cheerful sign. The thing is so agreeable to Westsiders, that on every pleasant afternoon,...
Page 19 - ... much as two hundred or three hundred feet long. Every other shop in Westside is owned by a butcher, who has always a bloody and half-skinned calf hanging up in his door for a cheerful sign. The thing is so agreeable to Westsiders, that on every pleasant afternoon, the ladies take their knitting work and go and sit in front of the butcher's shop. Westside is the residence of a good many notable, strongminded women. These strong-minded women all have virtuous and docile husbands, who are further...
Page 20 - ... every week, and four times every Sunday. Whenever there is anything going on in any church, they toll the bell for an hour and a quarter before it commences, and at intervals during the performance. The result is, that every man in Westside hears from one to eleven bells tolling cheerfully three-fifths of his time. A stranger in Westside would conclude that the whole town was dead, or that ten or fifteen melancholy funerals were in progress in every neighborhood. There is one church, on the corner...
Page 18 - ... westward in one direction, and eastward in another. This subterranean entrance to Westside was constructed for a double purpose. One of these purposes was to prevent anybody who lives on Westside from leaving. The other was because there is a river which nobody can cross, owing to its exhalations. The subterranean entrance runs under this river. Going through this hole is a work of immense difficulty and danger. The best way to get through in winter is to skate through. In summer, for a few days,...
Page 19 - ... a beer saloon on the other. The people who live in Westside are as diversified as their architecture. Westside has streetcars which are sometimes visible when a rain has laid the dust. One conductor on one of these streetcars washed his hands one spring. At least it was said he did. Nobody was ever able to tell when the time was, or which conductor it was that did it. Whenever a man in Westside builds a house and puts up a fence in front of it, he immediately calls the space in front of his lot...

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