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will not beleeve it when I have revealed it, neither
is it a Thing that you can helpe: and yet such
is my Foolishnesse, had it not beene for that, I
thinke verily I had granted your Suite ere now.
But seeing you urge me so much to know what it
is, I will tell you: it is, Sir, your ill-favoured great
Nose, that hangs sagging so lothsomely to your
Lips, that I cannot finde in my Heart so much as
to kisse you.
What, my Nose! quoth he, is my Nose so
great and I never knew it? certainly I thought my
Nose to be as comely as any Mans: but this it is,
we are all apt to think well of our selves, and a
great deale better then we ought: but let me see,
my Nose! by the Masse, tis true, I doe now feele it
my selfe: Good Lord, how was I blinded before?
Hereupon it is certaine, that the Knight was driven
into such a Conceit, as none could perswade him
but his Nose was so great indeed: his Lady, or
any other that spake to the contrarie, he would say
they were Flatterers, and that they lied, insomuch
that he would be ready to strike some of them
that commended and spake well of his Nose. If
they were Men of Worship, or any other that con
traried him in his Opinion, he would sweare they
flowted him, and be ready to challenge them the
Field. Field. He became so ashamed of himselfe, that after that Day he would never go Abroad, whereby Margaret was well rid of his Company.
On a Time, a wise and grave Gentleman seeing him grounded in his Conceit so strongly, gave his Lady Counsell, not to contrary him therein, but rather say that she would seeke out some cunning Physician to cure him: for, said he, as Sir William hath taken this Conceit of himselfe, so is he like never to heare other Opinion, till his owne Conceit doth remove it, the which must be wisely wrought to bring it to passe.
Whereupon the Lady, having conferred with a Physician that beare a great Name in the Countrey, hee undertooke to remove this fond Conceit by his Skill. The Day being appointed when the Phisician should come, and the Knight being told thereof, for very Joy he would goe forth to meete him, when a Woman of the Towne saw the Knight, having heard what Rumor went because of his Nose, shee looked very steadfastly upon him: the Knight casting his Eye upon her, seeing her to gaze so wistly in his Face, with an angry Countenance said thus to her, Why, how now, good Huswife, cannot you get you about your Business? The Woman being a shrewish Queane, answered him cuttedly, No
mary mary can I not, qd. she. No, you Drab what is the Cause? said the Knight. Because, quoth she, your Nose stands in my Way: wherewith the Knight, being very angry and abashed, went backe againe to his House.
The Physician being come, he had filled a certaine Bladder with Sheepes Blood, and conveyed it into his Sleeve, where at the Issue of the Bladder he had put in a Piece of a Swans Quill, through the which the Blood should runne out of the Bladder so close by his Hand, that hee, holding the Knight by the Nose, it might not be perceived but that it issued thence. All Things being prepared, he told the Knight, that by a foule corrupt Blood wherewith the Veines of his Nose were overcharged, his Impediment did grow, therefore, quoth he, to have Redresse for this Disease, you must have a Veine opened in your Nose, whence this foule Corruption must be taken: whereupon it will follow, that your Nose will fall againe to his naturall Proportion, and never shall you be troubled with this Griefe any more, and thereupon will I gage my Life.
I pray you, Master Doctor, said the Knight, is my Nose so big as you make it? With Reverence I may speake it, said the Physician, to tell the
Truth, Truth, and avoid Flattery, I never saw a more misshapen Nose so foule to Sight. Lo you now, Madam, quoth the Knight, this is you that said my Nose was as well, as handsome, and as comely a Nose as any Mans.
Alas, Sir, qd. she, I spake it (God wot) because you should not grieve at it, nor take my Words in ill Part, neither did it indeed become me to mislike of your Nose.
All this we will quickly remedy, said the Physician, have no doubt: and with that he very orderly prickt him in the Nose, and not in a Veine whereby he might bleed: and presently having a Tricke finely to unstop the Quill, the Blood ranne into a Bason in great Aboundance: and when the Bladder was empty, and the Bason almost full, the Physician seemed to close the Veine, and asked him how he felt his Nose, showing the great Quantite of filthy Blood which from thence he had taken.
The Knight beholding it with great Wonder, said, he thought that no Man in the World had beene troubled with such Aboundance of corrupt Blood in his whole Body, as lay in his mis-shapen Nose, and therewithall he began to touch and handle his nose, saying, that he felt it mightily asswaged. Immediately a Glasse was brought, wherein
he he might behold himselfe. Yea, mary, qd. he, now I praise God, I see my Nose is come into some reasonable Proportion, and I feele my selfe very well eased of the Burthen thereof; but if it continued thus, thats all. I will warrant your Worship, said the Physician, for ever being troubled with the like againe. Whereupon the Knight received great Joy, and the Doctor a high Reward.