100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It

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Harper Collins, Oct 13, 2009 - Family & Relationships - 240 pages
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What are the essential qualities of a great relationship? What do people in healthy and happy relationships do differently? Scientists and academics have spent entire careers investigating the nature of relationships, dating, and marriage, yet their findings are inaccessible to ordinary people, hidden in obscure journals read only by other academics. Now the bestselling author of the 100 Simple Secrets series has collected the most current and significant data from more than a thousand studies on relationships and spells out the key findings in plain English. The advice is not based on one person's unique experiences or opinions, but offers for the first time the research of noted scientists studying the lives and loves of average Americans. Each of the findings is accompanied by a true story that shows the results in action.

  • Love is hard to calculate: Researchers have proven that a partner's age, income, education, and religion are unrelated factors in the likelihood of relationship satisfaction.
  • Always trying to win can lead to a major loss: People who feel a sense of competition with their partner are 37 percent less likely to feel that their relationship is satisfying.
  • leave the past in the past: More than 40 percent of people report that jealousy over a previous relationship is a source of conflict in their current relationship.
 

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Contents

The Mundane Is Heroic
1
See Possibilities Where Others See Obstacles
3
Set Rules for Conflict
5
Anyone Can Find a Happy Relationship
8
Its Not How Hard You Try
10
You Have Nothing to Envy
12
Attitude Triumphs over Outcome
14
Dont Be Bound by Tradition
16
Stay Flexible
108
Think About Potential
110
Even in a Relationship You Are Still an Individual
112
Rest UpThis Is Going to Take Some Effort
114
Like the Way You Look
116
Dont Romanticize the Past
118
Share the Praise and Share in the Blame
120
You Cant Find Without Looking
122

The Past Is Not the Future
18
No One Wins the Comparison Game
20
See the Love Around You
22
Doing Nothing Is Rarely a Solution
24
Youll Forget the Disagreement but Remember the Disagreeing
26
Pursue What You Need Forever Not What You Want Today
28
Seek Harmony in Your Life
31
Are You Lonely?
33
Its the Little Things That Matter the Most
35
A Relationship Requires Two Equals
37
Beware of Fairy Tales
40
Cultivate a Common Interest
42
Treat the Disease Not the Symptom
44
Theres No Point in Putting On a Show
46
You Make Your Own History
48
Maintain Your Sense of Control
50
Money Cant Buy Love but It Can Buy Stress
52
There Are No Mind Readers
54
Theres No Need to Hurry
56
Friends Speak from ExperienceTheir Own
58
Drink Less
60
Decide Whether You Want to Win or Be Happy
62
A Sense of Humor Helps
64
Think Beyond the Engagement
66
See the Friendship in Your Relationship
68
The Most Time Is Not the Best Time
70
Reduce TV Time
72
The World Will Intrude on Your Relationship
74
Gentlemen Prefer the Same Things Ladies Prefer
76
Love Is Blind but Life Isnt Always
78
Balance Depends on Which Way You Lean
80
as Important
82
The Future Matters More Than the Past
84
You Dont Have to See Eye to Eye on Everything
86
Be Open with Each Other
88
Accentuate the Positive in All Aspects of Your Life
90
It Helps to Be Friends
92
Foundations Are Created in the Beginning
94
Ambivalence Is a Negative
96
Share Housework
98
A Relationship Starts with Yourself
100
Let Go of the Burden of Pain
102
Develop a Healthy Calm
104
Think of Your Own Ideal
106
Meaningful Commitment Is Mutual Commitment
124
Friendships Predict Relationships
126
Prepare for Milestones
128
Dont Bring Your Job Home with You
130
We Assume Similar Preferences
132
Dont Let Secrets Eat You Up
134
To Find a Better Way Look Where Youve Been
136
Money Matters Less over Time
138
Recognize the Value of Shared Values
140
Understand What Youre Looking For
142
Never Let Faults Stand for the Whole
144
Youll Need Some Relationship Friends
146
Dont Wait to Start Moving in the Right Direction
148
Music Can Bring Us Together
150
Define What You Need
152
Show You Care Even When Its Hard To
154
Make Your Decisions for Positive Reasons
156
A Relationship Is Built on a Foundation of Support
158
The Pieces of Your Life Must Fit Together
161
Master Your Fears
163
We Are All Much More Alike Than Different
165
Limit Your Interest in the Past
167
Get Your Reality from Reality
169
You Are Never Too Old to Find Love
171
We Look Inward to See How People Feel About Us
173
Be Willing to Evolve
175
Connect See Youre Capable and Know You Count
177
Reliability Counts a Lot
179
You Are Complete by Yourself
181
Intensity Fades
183
Beware Second Opinions
185
Have Faith but Dont Forget Reality
187
Pay Attention
189
Nice People Dont Finish Last
191
Relationships Are like Modern Art
193
Its Not Easy Even if It Looks It
195
Most People Are Looking for Experienced Rookies
197
Its for Youor It Isnt
199
See the Horizon Watch Your Step
201
The Search for Perfection Is Endless
203
Sources
205
Acknowledgments
221
Copyright

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About the author (2009)

David Niven, Ph.D., bestselling author of the 100 Simple Secrets series, is a psychologist and social scientist who teaches at Ohio State University.

David Niven, Ph.D., es el autor de los bestsellers internacionales Los 100 Secretos de la Gente Exitosa, y Los 100 Secretos de las Buenas Relaciones. Es psicólogo y científico social, y enseña en la Florida Atlantic University.

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