107 Ways to Help Others: Cope with Waves of Grief

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AuthorHouse, Mar 1, 2012 - Self-Help - 232 pages
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Grief is like ocean waves, hitting hard against the sand and receding, only to return. Waves of emotion crash, and people say, "I don't know what to say or do to help." This book is for them. It's for you. We all have either lost someone or tried to comfort the bereaved and felt helpless. Every page gives a fresh idea for comforting during the hardest time in someone's life-perhaps your own. Luann Lee Brown worked as an occupational therapist for twenty years, mostly in psychiatry, helping depressed people in crisis. She volunteered at a local police department helping give death notifications or supporting a family and friends when a loved one committed suicide, as well as other roles during horrific times. This book includes a section on helping those left behind after suicide or murder and sections on how to help children in the throes of grief. May the waves of grief soften and become less treacherous. May the sun shine and sparkle on the ocean of your or your loved ones' lives. May you feel the joy of serving another while you heal from your near drowning in an ocean of your own loss.
 

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Contents

Acknowledgments
1
Ask What Is Your Most Pressing Need Right IIovv?
8
Be Fully Present
15
I2 Remember Timing Is Crucial
24
I6 Let the Bereaved Lead the Way
32
Find Out All Significant Dates
42
Accept Almost All Behavior
48
Avoid Making Assumptions
54
Help with Contacting the Necessary Professionals
132
Join in Seeking Knowledge
134
Help with Finances
136
Throw a Fundraiser for the Family to Help with Funeral Expenses
139
Discourage Making Big Decisions Right Away
140
GiveaBook
142
Give a Gift Card tor a Massage
144
Bring Vitamins and Health Drinks _
146

Night People Announce
56
Touch
58
Gently Suggest She Do Positive Things for Herself Every Day 6O 31 Encourage Him to Pick One Haveto Each Day
62
Recommend Keeping a Gratitude List
64
Keep the Stress Down Dont Add to It
66
No StressBuildingAddendum to Keep the Stress Down
68
Put an Obituary in the Persons Hometown Newspaper 7O 36 Offer to Go to the llortuary with the Bereaved
72
Help Honor What the Deceased Wanted
74
Offer to Bring Refreshments to the Reception
76
Use Your Leadership Resources
78
Bring Food
81
Offer to Stay at the Home during the Wake and Funeral
82
Give or Help Set Up Flowers
84
Take and Distribute Flowers after the Services
86
Remember the Entire Family ls Grieving
88
Be Creative in Your Giving
90
Ask It You Can Pray with the Grieving Person
92
Hug
95
lnvite Her to Lunch
96
Keep Judgments to Yourselt
98
Encourage Surviving Loved Ones of a Suicide
99
Help with the Dogs
101
Talk about the Person Who Died
102
Go inside the Home upon Returning
104
Send Unexpected Surprises without a Name Attached
106
Otter to Stay after Family Leaves
108
Offer to Help with the Clothes ot the Deceased 11O 56 Dont Leave Half the Closet Bare
112
Get Permission before Washing Laundry
114
Create a Quilt
117
Offer to Write or Help Write ThankYou Notes
118
Prepare a Personalized Healing CD
120
Give a Personalized Calendar
122
Create a Collage of the Deceaseds Lite
124
Mind Your Nonverbal Communication
126
Remind the Bereaved to Document Phone Calls
128
Accompany the Bereaved to Businesses
130
Teach about Car Maintenance
148
Dont AskTelll
150
Suggest Creative Tasks
152
Share in the Creative Activity
154
Suggest a Good Grief Counselor
156
Find the Good and Talk about It
158
What to Say or Write
160
Help Develop a Routine
162
Discourage Rushing into Changes
164
Have the Bereaved Create Positive Attirmation Cards to Tape throughout the House
166
Make Positive Message Cards tor Him
168
Help Change the Living Space 17O 86 Create New Living Spaces
172
Help through the Holidays
174
Encourage Breathing
176
Leave Your Phone Numbers by Phones
178
Avoid Withdrawing Support
180
Remember the Children 1
182
_ Remember the Children 2
184
Remember the Children 3
186
Remember the Children 4
188
Remember the Children 5
190
This Is Not the Time to Criticize
192
Help Surviving Loved Ones of Suicide and Homicide 1
194
Homicide Victims 2
196
Homicide Victim to Seek Help
198
Plan a Makeover Day
201
Include the Bereaved with Couples
202
Take Suicidal Talk Seriously
204
Avoid Offering Alcohol or Pills
206
Observe a OneYear Anniversary Ritual
208
Accompany the Bereaved to Church
210
Encourage Volunteer Work
212
Take Care oiYoul
214
Back of Book
217
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About the author (2012)

I have published magazine articles and books, but never has a book meant more to me than this one. When my husband of thirty-four years first died, people said one of two things the most often: 1. "If there's anything I can do, just let me know." (I didn't know how anyone could help) 2. "I just don't know what to say or do to help you." (Me neither) Once in a while someone said or did just the right thing that cloaked me with comfort, even if just for a short time, and meant so much to me. I had to write it down or I would surely forget. (Your brain leaves your head at the time you lose your beloved) Why did I write these things down back then? So I could later write thank you notes to the right people, letting them know that what they had done had mattered so much. Then, I recognized how lost my loved ones were ndash; because they had also lost someone they cared for or loved. We were all in this gnarled forest of the unknown, bumping into each other in seconds of discomfort and moments of consolation. I had worked for twenty years as an occupational therapist and years as a Victim Advocate with a local Police Department. I'd given many death notifications; I'd comforted people during the worst time of their life. Yet, I could not comfort myself when I most needed it. And few others could either. It was then that I knew a book such as this was needed, not only for those who have suffered a loss, but also for those seeking ways to give comfort and aid. You can open it anywhere and find a piece of practical wisdom. I added a special section for dealing with children grappling with grief and another section on the often "forgotten loss:" suicide. I have moved back and forth between the male and female perspectives From ways to add joy to ways to comfort heart wrenching pain for but a moment or two, this book has something for everyone. Because we all have to deal with death at some time or another. Thus, this book is for you.

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