The 2,320 Funniest Quotes: The Most Hilarious Quips and One-Liners from Allgreatquotes. Com
Ulysses Press, 2011 - Reference - 416 pages
ENJOY THE MOST HILARIOUS QUOTES OF ALL TIME
Presenting the best of the best from AllGreatQuotes.com, this uproarious volume features gems on every topic, from sex and money to spouses and politics. Bringing together clever remarks from celebrities, politicians, thinkers, comedians and generally funny people, this collection of snappy quotes will leave you in hysterics.
? God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
? Robin Williams
? Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
? Spike Milligan
? Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
? Oscar Wilde
? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
? Homer Simpson
? When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his fi rst name was ?Always.”
? Rita Rudner
? Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
? George Burns
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Actors Hollywood and the Movies
Alcohol and Other Drugs
America and Americans 54
Books and Reading
Children and Parenting
Marriage Cheating and Divorce 255
Men Women Battle of the Sexes
Mexico and Mexicans 278
Science and Technology 526
Family and Relations
Gaffes and Dumbest Things Ever Said
Ireland and the Irish
The Simpsons Wisdom 548
Vice and Virtue 597
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ain’t alcohol Ambrose—Bierce,—The Devil’s Dictionary American animal Anonymous Barack Obama beautiful beer believe Benjamin—Franklin better Brendan—Behan can’t Canada Catcher cats chocolate Dan—Quayle dead death Dorian Gray Dorothy—Parker drink earnest enemies england englishman Erma—Bombeck everything football forgive George—Bernard—Shaw George—Bernard—Shaw,—Man and Superman George—Burns girl golf Groucho—Marx happy Helen—Rowland hell Henny—Youngman Homer—Simpson Homer—Simpson,—on—The Simpsons I’ve Irish J.—D.—Salinger,—The Catcher Jay—Leno kids kiss lady Windermere’s Fan live look Mae—West man’s Mark—Twain Mark—Twain,—Following the equator Mark—Twain,—Pudd’nhead Wilson marriage married Mary Astor mother Naked Civil Servant never nowadays Ogden—Nash Oscar—Wilde Oscar—Wilde,—A Woman Oscar—Wilde,—An Ideal Husband Oscar—Wilde,—lady Windermere’s Fan Oscar—Wilde,—The Importance Oscar—Wilde,—The Picture Phyllis—Diller Picture of Dorian Prince Philip Rita—Rudner Rodney—Dangerfield Saddam Hussein Santa Claus someone Spike—Milligan sport talk television tell There’s thing What’s who’s wife Will—Rogers William—Shakespeare,—Henry William—Shakespeare,—The Winston—Churchill women Woody—Allen you’re Zsa—Zsa—Gabor