A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents--and Ourselves

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Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, Apr 26, 2011 - Family & Relationships - 368 pages
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Just a few of the vitally important lessons in caring for your aging parent—and yourself—from Jane Gross in A Bittersweet Season

As painful as the role reversal between parent and child may be for you, assume it is worse for your mother or father, so take care not to demean or humiliate them.
Avoid hospitals and emergency rooms, as well as multiple relocations from home to assisted living facility to nursing home, since all can cause dramatic declines in physical and cognitive well-being among the aged.
Do not accept the canard that no decent child sends a parent to a nursing home. Good nursing home care, which supports the entire family, can be vastly superior to the pretty trappings but thin staffing of assisted living or the solitude of being at home, even with round-the-clock help.

Important Facts
Every state has its own laws, eligibility standards, and licensing requirements for financial, legal, residential, and other matters that affect the elderly, including qualification for Medicare. Assume anything you understand in the state where your parents once lived no longer applies if they move.
Many doctors will not accept new Medicare patients, nor are they legally required to do so, especially significant if a parent is moving a long distance to be near family in old age.
An adult child with power of attorney can use a parent’s money for legitimate expenses and thus hasten the spend-down to Medicaid eligibility. In other words, you are doing your parent no favor—assuming he or she is likely to exhaust personal financial resources—by paying rent, stocking the refrigerator, buying clothes, or taking him or her to the hairdresser or barber.



From the Hardcover edition.
 

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Contents

AuTHoRs NOTE
1
PROLOGUE FindingOu1 Better Selves
3
The Early Heroic Rush
16
The Myth 0fAssisted Living
33
The Vestiges of Family Medicine
53
Aob for Professionals
72
The Best Doctors Money Can Buy
92
September Eleventh
110
The Biology Sociology and Psycllology ofAging 14 5
168
The MakeAWish Foundation
185
Follow the Money
201
Therapeutic Fibs
219
Cruel Sorting
239
DyingDays
300
EPILOGUE Lostand Found
320
Copyright

SeptemherTwelfth
128

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About the author (2011)

Jane Gross was a reporter for Sports Illustrated and Newsday before joining The New York Times in 1978. Her twenty-nine-year tenure there included national assignments as well as coverage of aging. In 2008, she launched a blog for the Times called The New Old Age, to which she still contributes. She has taught journalism at the University of California, Berkeley, and at Columbia University, and was the recipient of a John S. Knight Fellowship. She lives in Westchester County, New York.


From the Hardcover edition.

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