A story that talks about talking is like chatter to chattering teeth, and every set of dentures can attest to the fact that no..

Front Cover
iUniverse, Jul 22, 2011 - Fiction - 464 pages
0 Reviews
Have you ever wanted to learn Geometry, Calculus, Physics, German, and the mystical teachings of Orafoura? Well, now you can! Just not with this book. Well, except for the mystical bit. This book is guaranteed to cost you, or your money back. If there is ever a book that deserves to be burned, this is it. And while you are lighting a fire, why don’t you also set your imagination ablaze? You can start by taking a gasoline shower and sprinting naked through Flint, Michigan. Or Phoenix. After all, the only way you’ll ever be able to reach your true potential is with a stepladder and a stretch.
 

What people are saying - Write a review

We haven't found any reviews in the usual places.

Selected pages

Contents

How many how manys does it take to change a man named Mr Lightbulb?
245
People Who Are Praised As Being Beautiful
249
33 verse three
250
Llamas
253
I am the coconut in the pineapple together we can
255
Plumbing
259
prison the past the future and grandmothers shed
263
Noses
266

31415
33
Booked On All the Talk Shows
35
314159
37
Shouting amongst themselves
38
Love I love it like an airplane loves a helicopter but not as much as a bat admires a butterfly
39
Seeing
40
I am the mouth that represents the Peoples Republic of Chin
45
The Courtier
46
XEIT Please solve for Y
52
Pain
53
Ten fingers wouldnt dare try lying to eleven toes
58
Distinction
59
I plead the FifthBeethovens symphony that is
69
The Conversation
71
What makes you think Ill share my pudding with you JellO Brains?
73
Against Bicycles
76
How many groups of 17 syllables have died so that haikus might live?
79
After The Law
81
When I think of you I immediately think of something else
87
Conspiracies
91
Ill siphon your tears with an eyedropper
95
To Construct a Defense and Comprehend it Without Fear and to Prove that the Side of the Prosecution is the Irrational Straight Line to Disaster
98
Youre yelling at me with your facial expression
101
Judgment
107
The hotel was as empty as my heart
110
Shoes
116
The spark that lights my flintcolored boxers on fire
122
Escape
135
Tshirts now available in dustpan format
142
The Hair
153
Bottledup rage sold by the shoefull with an earful of noseful for your halitosis toesbut not on Tuesday
159
Tomatoes
161
Dance like theres nobody watching Or filming Never mind that creepy guy in the corner with the camcorder Just keep dancing
166
33 Steps Away From Recovery
172
The sky was as blue as orange could get I love sunsets at noon and forks disguised as spoons
177
Doughnuts
178
If you share your soup Ill share my wisdom I brought a spoon but did you bring a pen? How are you going to take notes you fool
185
Anatomy of a Relationship
189
Yesterdays gone like bubblegum and shoes made from hollowedout kittens limit two per order please
199
Geometry
200
Remix
205
X
208
How many scarecrows make up a murder?
214
Breakfast
217
Death isnt black or white its red like an orange
227
Trash
230
The elephant in the room is a hippopotamus disguised as a rhinoceros who may be a lover of bestiality known as politics
233
Travel
237
Ill breath into a paper airplane so my written words can find voice and sail on the wind to your butterfly ears
239
The 100 Meter Dash
243
Youve got to think about what you bring to the table before somebody else brings you to the tableas dinner
276
Africa
280
Beer on my shoulder is beer on tap provided Im turned around and you want to get my attention
282
Europe
286
Pigs are so close to humans anatomically that I wonder what people bacon would taste like
288
Pumpkin
292
Seven times seven is a whole bunch of tissues
295
Spleen
299
Blow your nose in my diaphragm and Ill tell you my dreams
305
Shadow
309
All the letters from A to Z couldnt express what you mean to me Not without cloning them and using some over and over
311
Pantheism
315
Its not a booger its a bit of avocado smeared on my sleeve
319
Vanilla
323
I tread lightly and walk in place on a treadmill silently for fear of angering my feet
325
Flavors
329
I want to be an actor instead of 88 yellow
334
Playing Doctor
338
Id rather ride two unicycles at the same time than one bicycle twice
342
History
346
Napoleon made war like I make lovefrom a height of about 68 centimeters I wear platform shoes while Im on my knees
348
Anality
352
An upper class man of uppercase letters
367
Surgery
371
Men are pigs and women are sausages
373
Revelations
377
One unicycle two bicycles three tricycles and Orafoura
383
Story
387
Time is certainly sticky enough to saturate pancakes
390
World Jogging
394
We were meant to be together separately and alone
395
Legacy
399
Love is an empty bottle and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it
400
Judd Joggs SubSaharan Reach
404
A lot has happened since those days like many nights
405
An Auction
409
You cant lock up ideas in cages like animals or inmates Its just not humane
410
Murderers Killer Toasted
415
To know more than everyone is to be in more pain than anyone
416
Power Shift
420
When I write like a teenager I have a squeakier writing voice
421
We the People
426
Sandra Oh has such a surprising last name Surprise Oh
427
Poetry
431
I am the shadow behind the laughter
432
Famine
436
Pure hydration water filteradult diaper
437
Plurality
440
Call me Clyde Id make a good Clydesdale Call me Dale
442
Copyright

Common terms and phrases

Bibliographic information