A Tiger in the Bedroom: Lessons from Mother Nature's Sex Shop

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Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2003 - Humor - 239 pages
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Imagine that your job is to write the informative signs about animal habits at the local zoo. You learn all kinds of fascinating facts about the animals, but the really juicy stuff is off-limits for a family audience. What do you do with the R-rated material' Put it in a book, of course! Katherine Gould"s A Tiger in the Bedroom presents a compendium of carnal curiosities from the animal kingdom, such as: " Size isn"t everything. An elephant has a truly impressive instrument (he can scratch his belly with it), but his sexual performance lasts only for about 30 seconds." Lacking in endurance' Just make up for it with frequency. Tigers have sex for only two or three minutes at a time, but they can do it 50 times in a day. More than just a voyeuristic peek into the private lives of animals and insects, A Tiger in the Bedroom explores the many parallels between human and animal courtship. Each of the more than 200 paragraph-length lessons includes a bit of witty advice for the lovelorn. From the male Egyptian vulture, whose bright yellow face (which females consider sexy) comes from eating cow, goat, and sheep dung, the lesson is, "Admire your date"s good looks, but don"t ask too many questions about their beauty routine." And from the skylark we learn that, hey, it could be worse"they mate exactly once each year. Chapters like "Lower Your Standards: Strategies for Getting a Date," "The Dolphin"s Naughty Bits: Disturbing Behaviors," and "Fatal Attractions: How Can I Respect You in the Morning If I"m Dead'" are sure to titillate, educate, and illuminate.

 

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Contents

CHAPTER
5
CHAPTER 2
25
CHAPTER 3
39
CHAPTER 4
59
One Brief Shining Moment
87
CHAPTER 6
105
CHAPTER 7
123
CHAPTER 8
137
CHAPTER 9
151
CHAPTER 10
169
CHAPTER 11
189
More More More
205
Copyright

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About the author (2003)

Gould wrote for the Los Angeles Zoo for several years--both for the zoo's exhibits and for its membership magazine, Zoo View. She is a freelance writer and editor.

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