Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

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Macmillan, Jan 18, 2003 - Health & Fitness - 304 pages
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Sexual fantasies. Everyone has them, but no one knows what they mean. People are curious about and often confused by the things that arouse them, yet they are often too ashamed to reveal their most private fantasies to their partners or even their therapists. In this fascinating and provocative book, Dr. Michael J. Bader offers a groundbreaking new theory of sexual desire, one that will liberate men and women and enable them to better understand their sexual preferences.

Drawing on his twenty-five years as a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst, Dr. Bader demonstrates that rather than being programmed by biology or society, sexual fantasies and preferences are really psychological antidotes to unconscious dangers. Armed with this novel theory, men and women will no longer need to feel ashamed about what arouses them or confused about what arouses others. Dr. Bader sensitively tells the stories of his patients and explains the meaning of their sexual fantasies. In terms refreshingly free of jargon, he reveals how his profound new theory can be used to decipher a wide variety of sexual fantasies and behavior, ranging from ordinary preferences about positions in bed to flamboyant scenarios worthy of the Marquis de Sade. And yet, Dr. Bader's exciting new theory transcends the realm of individual psychology. Readers will come away with a radically new understanding of such issues as sexual chemistry and boredom, cybersex, pornography, and the differences in how men and women get excited.

Both erudite and accessible, Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies is an important landmark in the literature of sexuality.

 

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AROUSAL: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

User Review  - Jane Doe - Kirkus

An insider's look at what goes on behind the scenes of our desires. Drawing on more than 20 years' experience as a psychoanalyst and therapist, Bader attempts to provide a useful guide for both the ... Read full review

Arousal: the secret logic of sexual fantasies

User Review  - Not Available - Book Verdict

Bader, a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst for over 20 years, holds that we unconsciously design our fantasies to make sexual arousal safe for ourselves. Fantasies may seem bizarre and paradoxically ... Read full review

Contents

HOW SEX WORKS
17
GUILT WORRY AND INHIBITION
24
GUILT RUTHLESSNESS AND SEXUAL EXCITEMENT
29
SHAME HELPLESSNESS AND SEXUAL EXCITEMENT
36
IDENTIFICATION TRANSFERENCE AND SEXUAL EXCITEMENT
41
SOLVING THE PROBLEMS OF IDENTIFICATION AND TRANSFERENCE WITH SEXUAL FANTASIES
45
OVERLAPPING FANTASIES
47
SEXUAL FANTASIES AS ANTIDOTES TO GUILT AND WORRY
50
THE PEEPING TOM
136
PHOTOGRAPHING AND VIDEOTAPING SEX
137
BODY TYPES AND SEXUAL AROUSAL
139
GAY MEN AND SEXUAL AROUSAL IN HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN
141
SEXUAL PLEASURE AND BOREDOM IN RELATIONSHIPS
142
THE NATURAL DECLINE OF SEXUAL INTEREST
144
INTIMACY AND SEXUAL RUTHLESSNESS
147
PATHOGENIC BELIEFS AND SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY
154

THE CASE OF JAN
51
THE CASE OF MANNY
58
THE CASE OF ROBERT
61
THE CASE OF MATT
64
FETISHISM AND SEXUAL AROUSAL
69
THE CASE OF BOB
73
BORN TO LOSE SEXUAL FANTASIES AS ANTIDOTES TO SHAME AND REJECTION
80
THE STORY OF ESTHER
82
IDENTIFICATION AND THE PROBLEMS OF SEXUAL AROUSAL
90
THE CASE OF GLENN
92
OTTO AND HIS FIXATION ON YOUTH
98
THE CASE OF AMANDA
104
SAFETY AND THE SEXUALIZATION OF ABUSE
112
FROM THE CONVENTIONAL TO THE BIZARRE INTERPRETING SEXUAL FANTASIES
115
MASOCHISM AND SEXUAL AROUSAL
117
GOLDEN OR BROWN SHOWERS
120
MEN WEARING WOMENS PANTIES
121
DIAPERED AND TREATED LIKE A BABY
122
ASPHYXIATION FANTASIES
123
DOMINANCE AND SEXUAL AROUSAL
124
RAPE FANTASIES
126
MASTERSLAVE RELATIONSHIPS
127
INCEST FANTASIES
128
MULTIPLE PARTNERS
132
GANG RAPE
135
THE CASE OF MARK AND BETSY
157
THE CASE OF JIM AND LAURA
163
THE CASE OF ROB AND NICOLE
168
THE PROBLEM OF THE GOOD WIFE
171
THE ROLE OF SEXUAL FANTASIES IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
180
SHAME SELFACCEPTANCE AND SEXUAL FANTASIES IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
183
THE ROLE OF PATHOGENIC BELIEFS IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
189
SAFETY TESTING AND CHANGE IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
197
MECHANISMS OF CHANGE IN PSYCHOTHERAPY
204
SEXUAL FANTASIES ARE DIFFICULT TO CHANGE
210
THE SOCIAL MEANING OF SEXUAL FANTASIES
218
BLAMING THE PARENTS AND THE ABUSE EXCUSE
223
GENDER DIFFERENCES IN SEXUAL FANTASY
233
WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAAMTHE PSYCHOLOGY OF OBJECTIFICATION
240
WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?PATHOGENIC BELIEFS AND THE IDEALIZATION OF ROMANTIC LOVE IN WOMEN
247
THE PERSONAL FINALLY MEETS THE POLITICAL
255
THE FUTURE OF SEX FINAL REFLECTIONS UNANSWERED QUESTIONS
258
AN ADAPTIVE ILLUSION OR DANGEROUS ADDICTION?
263
WILL THERE BE SEXUAL FANTASIES AFTER THE REVOLUTION?
276
THE VALUE OF UNDERSTANDING SEXUAL FANTASIES
279
THE EMPERORS NEW CLOTHES AND THE MEANING OF SEXUAL FANTASY
283
REFERENCES
287
INDEX
289
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About the author (2003)

Dr. Michael J. Bader has more than two decades of experience as a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, educator, and social critic. He is a frequent contributor to mainstream psychoanalytic criticism, and his series of highly acclaimed articles for Tikkun magazine has been instrumental in bridging the gap between psychology and popular culture. He lives in San Francisco.

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