Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon

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Crown/Archetype, Sep 9, 2008 - Humor - 336 pages
7 Reviews
DEADLY NINJA WISDOM FOR THE NON-NINJA

Carefully consider the joy of your soft-headed ignorance before you begin to run, flip, and jump along the Ninja Path.
  
After much debate and in a spirit of morbid amusement, the International Order of Ninjas has chosen to produce The Ninja Handbook, the first-ever secret ninja training guide specifically designed for the non-ninja.
Most non-ninjas who handle these delicate, deadly pages will die–probably in an elaborately horrific and painful manner. But whether your journey lasts five seconds or five days or (rather inconceivably) five years, all those who bravely take up this text and follow the tenets and trials laid out within will die knowing they were as ninja as they possibly could’ve been.

For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:

•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!

Remember: People do not take the Path, the Path takes people.


From the Trade Paperback edition.
 

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Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon

User Review  - Not Available - Book Verdict

Sarine, Douglas & Kent Nichols. Ask Ninja Presents the Ninja Handbook. Three Rivers: Crown. Sept. 2008. c.336p. illus. pap. SOC SCI~Fans of the web skits and/or teenagers will no doubt enjoy chapter ... Read full review

User Review - Flag as inappropriate

first off this book is an abomination to the public and I am disgusted knowing this book even got approved to be published. I can and will pray for the people who thought this book was even amusing because in reality it is laughing with Satan and his followers. I think this book should be destroyed and taken off the shelves.Shame on the people who would support the actions and thoughts about and in this book. god have mercy on your souls and God bless. people take the advice of God and don't take any of the actions or content of this book in your mind 

Contents

Disclaimer 3
Greeting from Grand Master Kudamono Ii
Your Clan and the International Order
SECTION
Niniaish
You Cant Spell Disguise Without a Gui 65
Where Are You Going? 78
Bo Staff 90
Whoooooooo Requirements 121
Smoke Bomb 137
EyeDentification
SECTION III
10
SECTION VII
ll
Thoughts of Finality from the Ask

Japan 106

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About the author (2008)

Text painfully transcribed by DOUGLAS SARINE and KENT NICHOLS, the award-winning
creators of the online series Ask A Ninja.


From the Trade Paperback edition.

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