Being a Dad: The Stuff No One Told Me

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Take a hilarious journey through fatherhood with Dale Alderman and his two young sons, Chase and Logan.

Based on actual events that occurred over seven years, Dale presents a collection of funny stories including:

  • Breast Pads and Nipple Cream
  • Honey, I Shrunk My Underpants
  • Stinkerhead
  • Stop It, Quit It, Stop It, Quit It
  • The Farmer Cuts the Cheese

Before he became a father, no one told Dale the stuff he really needed to know, like how to deal with a rampaging three-year-old at the circus, or how to corral two boys before they demolish a restaurant.

From a Little League baseball game to a grade school field trip, Dale takes normal daily activities and turns them into wild escapades.

Come on along and let Dale show you how much he loves Being A Dad.

 

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Contents

Breast Pads and Nipple Cream
1
The Hooter Fairy
5
Ill Be Gone for Only a Few Minutes
8
I Should Wear a Cup
11
Look Out Hes Gonna Blow
14
Whats in a Name
17
Ya Better Get This Potty Started
21
Stop It Quit It Stop It Quit It Stop It Quit It Stop It
24
Youre Just Going to Feel a Little Pressure
65
Take My Advice Please
69
TelevisionIs Nothing Sacred?
72
My Wife Is Cool Toy Challenged
75
Theres No Place Like Home for the Holidays
79
HuhWhat?
83
Honey I Shrunk My Underpants
87
Stinkerhead
90

Where Does the Money Go?
28
Daddy Are You Awake?
32
Vacations Will Never Be the Same
35
SuperChildren of the Corn
39
The Farmer Cuts the Cheese
42
Happy Fathers Day
45
Dont Hit Your Brother With a Stick
49
Strike Three Strike Four Strike Five
52
Mine Is Bigger Than Yours
55
Business Travel Sucks
58
Boys and Girls Are DifferentDuh
61
The School Field Trip
93
Im a Fashion Disaster
97
Ill Have the Prime Rib With a Side Order of Valium
100
Dad Can I Ask You a Question?
103
Im Bored
106
The Birds and the Bees
109
Happy Birthday to Me
112
Myths Old Wives Tales and the Truth
115
A Letter to My Sons
118
About the Author
121
Copyright

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