Bill Nye's Red Book

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Thompson & Thomas, 1891 - American wit and humor - 389 pages
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Page 248 - I know that Great Britain is determined on her system ; and that very determination determines me on mine. You know I have been constant and uniform in opposition to all her measures. The die is now cast, I have passed the Rubicon; sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, with my country, is my unalterable determination.
Page 262 - Read it on yon bristling steel! Ask it — ye who will. Fear ye foes who kill for hire? Will ye to your homes retire? Look behind you!
Page 335 - It is a luxury, but you may have it. I have decided to keep a horse instead of this mining stock. The horse may not be so pretty, but it will cost less to keep him. You will find the postal cards that have not been used under the distributing table, and the coal down in the cellar. If the stove draws too hard, close the damper in the pipe and shut the general delivery window. Looking over my stormy and eventful administration as postmaster here, I find abundant cause for thanksgiving. At the time...
Page 335 - Sir — I beg leave at this time to officially tender my resignation as postmaster at this place, and in due form to deliver the great seal and the key to the front door of the office. The safe combination is set on the numbers 33, 66 and 99, though I do not remember at this moment which comes first, or how many times you revolve the knob, or which direction you should turn it at first in order to make it operate.
Page 232 - hist/' and she histed. But I thought she overdid it. She put too much expression in it. Just then I heard something crash through the window of the barn and fall with a dull, sickening thud on the outside. The neighbors came to see what it was that caused the noise. They found that I had done it in getting through the window. I asked the neighbors if the barn was still standing. They said it was. Then I asked if the cow was injured much. They said she seemed to be quite robust. Then I requested...
Page 339 - Thanksgiving proclamation, but rest assured it would not be ill-timed or inopportune. It is not alone a credit to myself. It reflects credit upon the administration also. I need not say that I herewith transmit my resignation with great sorrow and genuine regret. We have toiled on together month after month, asking for no reward except the innate consciousness of rectitude and the salary as fixed by law. Now we are to separate. Here the roads seem to fork, as it were, and you and I, and the cabinet,...
Page 136 - On the 9th day of September, AD 1884, my morbid curiosity was gratified. As the people came out into the forest with lanterns and pulled me out of the crotch of a basswood tree with a " tackle and fall," I remember I told them I didn't yearn for any more atmospheric phenomena.
Page 296 - Office of Daily Boomerang, Laramie City, Wy. August 9, 1882. My dear General: I have received by telegraph the news of my nomination by the President and my confirmation by the Senate, as postmaster at Laramie, and wish to extend my thanks for the same. I have ordered an entirely new set of boxes and post-office outfit, including new corrugated cuspidors for the lady clerks.
Page 297 - Be perfectly frank with me, and feel perfectly free to just bring anything of that kind right to me. Do not feel reluctant because I may at times appear haughty and indifferent, cold or reserved. Perhaps you do not think I know the difference between a general delivery window and a three-m quad, but that is a mistake.
Page 339 - Here the roads seem to fork, as it were, and you and I, and the cabinet, must leave each other at this point. You will find the key under the door-mat, and you had better turn the cat out at night when you close the office. If she does not go readily, you can make it clearer to her mind by throwing the cancelling stamp at her. If Deacon Hayford does not pay up his box-rent, you might as well put his mail in the general delivery, and when Bob Head gets drunk and insists on a letter from one of his...

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