Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments

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St. Martin's Press, May 30, 2006 - Humor - 240 pages

From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress).

Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else.

Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal.
So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

 

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - ChrisWeir - www.librarything.com

Fun book written with the Southern woman's point of view. The first section is devoted to motherhood and all of the things she said she would never do. Giving her child soda pop or French fries. The ... Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - BettyTaylor56 - LibraryThing

This was a really funny book. I learned about measurements - a tad, smidgen, passel mite, a right smart, a mess, a whole heap, etc. A quote on endearments: "A Southerner can get away with the most ... Read full review

Contents

Bridal Moms from Hell
Obituary Madness
A Christmas Letter from Myra Sue
Carlos and Ruby
Part Three
Fake Dog Testicles
Mozart Means Absolutely Nuthin
How to Marry a Multimillionaire Doofus

If Hes So Sick Why Am I So Tired?
Revenge of the Amish Friendship Bread
Total Woman This
Lazy Men
A Caveman Weekend
Fighting Still Bad for Relationships
Fad DietsGreat Til You Explode
The High School Reunion
Fleeing Floyd
Big Fake Breasts
When Did Redbook Get Trashy?
Working at HomeSort Of
If You Want It Done Right
I Can Quit Anytime I Like
Cat Toothbrushing or Meoww
Box Queen
Time to Reclaim My Funny Skin?
Part Two
Bless Your Heart Tramp
Where Men Are Menand Sometimes Women
Thats Mizzeriz to You Kiddo
Southerners vs Snow
A Dab or a Teense?
Liddy Dole Doesnt Snort
Hurricane Forecasting for Fun and Hysteria
Lard Is Good Lard Is Great
Tales of the Redneck Woman
The Grits Gonna Rise Again
This Beer Was Made for Wearin
ATM Silliness Revealed
Mars Lander Woes
Fools for Fashion
Ive Scanned So Wheres My Check?
Tofu Shrinks Your Brain
Designer Kitty Litter
Clams Flying Batman and Me
Card Shopping for My Gay Friends Dog
Congestion in the Cold Aisle
Fun with Realtors
Homeshopping Blues
Drowning in the Jury Pool
Stupid Bumper Stickers
Wrestlemania
Whos Hinckley Gonna Visit?
A History Quiz for Our Young
Subarus and Lesbians
Commercial Appeal?
Barbie the Telemarketer
Negativity in the Workplace
Calling Mom from the Train Tracks
Too Sexy for Himself?
Fashion Takes a Holiday
Is That a Penis in the Petunias?
 
Theres Always Tomorrowland
Also by Celia Rivenbark
Acknowledgments
Copyright

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About the author (2006)

Celia Rivenbark is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank, Belle Weather, and You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning. We're Just Like You, Only Prettier won a Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance (SIBA) Book Award for nonfiction and was a finalist for the James Thurber Prize for American Humor. Born and raised in Duplin County, North Carolina, Rivenbark grew up in a small house "with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats." She started out writing for her hometown paper. She writes a weekly, nationally syndicated humor column for the Myrtle Beach Sun News. She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina.

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