But I Love Him: Protecting Your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships

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Harper Collins, Oct 13, 2009 - Family & Relationships - 208 pages
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One in three girls will be in a controlling, abusive dating relationship before she graduates from high school – from verbal or emotional abuse to sexual abuse or physical battering. Is your daughter in danger?

Dr. Jill Murray speaks on the topic of dating violence at high schools around the country, reaching more than 10,000 students, teachers, and counsellors each year. In every school she visits, she is approached by teenage girls in miserable relationships who, when confronted with the option of breaking up with the boy, exclaim, "But I love him!"

Many young women – and their parents, aren't even aware of the indications of a potentially abusive relationship. What's most alarming is that these warning signs are also some of the behaviours that girls find most flattering:

A boy pages and calls a girl often – but as a form of control, not affection.

He wants to spend all his time with her, but eventually won't allow her to spend time with her friends.

He says "I love you" very early in the relationship.

These behaviours can escalate into blaming, isolating, manipulating, threatening, humiliation, and sexual and physical abuse.

In But I Love Him, Dr. Murray identifies these controlling, abusive patterns of behaviour and helps you get your daughter out of the relationship without alienating her. You will learn what draws her to this type of relationship, why she has a hard time talking to you about it, the special barriers teens face when breaking off a relationship, and what's going on in the mind of a teen abuser. Dr. Murray will help you show your teen what a respectful relationship looks like, and teach her the importance of respecting herself. edition.

 

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Contents

Our Daughters Are in Danger
1
What Is Teen Dating Abuse?
7
How to Talk to Your
12
The First Level of Violence
22
The Second Level of Violence
40
The Third Level of Violence
50
Recognizing Abusive Teenage Relationships
58
Whats He Thinking? How to Spot a Potential Abuser
68
Why Girls Choose Abusive Relationships
79
Infatuation Addictive Love and Mature Love
85
The Role of Alcohol and Drugs
102
Family Dynamics
115
Girls Who Abuse Boys
131
Who Will Our Daughters Become?
164
Resources
179
Copyright

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About the author (2009)

Dr. Jill Murray is a psychotherapist with a private practice in Laguna Niguel, California. She speaks to thousands of students and parents in high schools around the country each year on the topic of abusive teen relationships, a focus she developed while serving as lead therapist at a domestic violence shelter for women and children. Her appearances on Oprah, Leeza, and radio call-in shows have generated overwhelming response from concerned parents nationwide. She lives in Laguna Niguel.

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