Cain's Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and RegretBonds between brothers and sisters are among the longest lasting and most emotionally significant of human relationships. But while 45 percent of adults struggle with serious sibling strife, few discuss it openly. Even fewer resolve it to their satisfaction. In Cain’s Legacy, psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, a recognized authority on sibling psychology (and an estranged sister herself) illuminates this pervasive but hidden phenomenon. She explores the roots of inter-sibling woes, from siblicide in the book of Genesis to tensions in Freud’s family history. Drawing on sixty in-depth interviews with adult siblings struggling with conflicts over money, family businesses, aging parents, contentious wills, unhealed childhood wounds, and blocked communication, Safer provides compassionate guidance to brothers and sisters whose relationship is broken. She helps siblings overcome their paralysis and pain, revealing how they can come to terms with the one peer relationship they can never sever—even if they never see each other again. A heartfelt look at a too-often avoided topic, Cain’s Legacy is a sympathetic and clear-eyed guide to navigating the darkness separating us from our brothers and sisters. |
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Contents
ANIMOSITY BEGINS AT HOME | |
THE BANK OF BRO AND | |
A BROTHER IN THE BUSINESS | |
FIVE VARIETIES OF SIBLING STRIFE | |
FOR THE SAKE OF THE PARENTS | |
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES | |
FRIENDS AT LAST | |
She SaidShe Said | |
Found in Translation | |
Seven Rules for Sibling Reengagement | |
THINKING NEW THOUGHTS ABOUT SIBLINGS 1 Face the problem | |
Realize that difficult siblings follow you everywhere 3 Understand your parents role 4 Resisting change is natural | |
Accept that you dont really know your sibling 6 Abolish Sibspeak 7 Use every resource | |
Think about your motives and goals 9 Siblings can surprise | |
There is no onesizefitsall solution to sibling strife | |
Deeds Not Words | |
Death Opens His Eyes | |
Death Opens Her Eyes | |
A NOTE ON SOURCES | |
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Common terms and phrases
acknowledged adult aging parents asked baby behavior Bernie bond brother’s brothers and sisters Cain Cain and Abel Cain’s can’t child childhood couldn’t Cynthia daughter David death Despite Diana didn’t doesn’t don’t want Doug efforts egrets elder emotional envy estranged siblings Ethan father father’s favored favorite feel felt firstborn forgiveness Freud friends guilt happened he’s hostility husband I’ve Joseph keep Larry Atkins Laura Leah and Rachel Linda lives Lynn Maggie Manasseh Manny Marilyn Michelle mother mother’s mutual Nancy Cameron never Nick Adams older brother one’s pain person problem Randy recalled recognize Reconciliation process refused resentment responsibility role Ryan sadomasochistic she’s siblicide sibling relationship sibling rivalry sibling strife sibling’s Sibspeak sister’s son’s sons Stan talk tell there’s things thought told took twin what’s younger brother younger sister
Bibliographic information
| Title | Cain's Legacy: Liberating Siblings from a Lifetime of Rage, Shame, Secrecy, and Regret |
| Author | Jeanne Safer |
| Publisher | Basic Books, 2012 |
| ISBN | 0465029442, 9780465029440 |
| Length | 288 pages |
| Subjects | › › Psychology / Developmental / Child |
| Export Citation | BiBTeX EndNote RefMan |