Date Me, Baby, One More Time

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Grand Central Publishing, Dec 19, 2007 - Fiction - 336 pages
1 Review
This delightful and witty paranormal romance debut features pretzel-eating dragons, cursed mathematicians, and a guardian of the Fountain of Youth in desperate need of a date. Original.
 

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First in the Immortally Sexy hysterically funny, paranormal-romance series based in New York City. The couple focus is on Justine Bennett and Derek LaValle.
My Take
Rowe has a very funny take on
Satan and immortal guardians even if she does take it a bit too far into the omigod stupid arena. Think Keystone Kops and the Marx Brothers crossed with Laurel and Hardy.
My favorite bits are when Satan is begging Iris to allow him to "lick the ground you walk on. I cry when you leave my sight". Or "I am not naked, but I can be very quickly. Would you like to inspect my manhood before I take your mother to the highest mountains of pleasure?"
Then there's `...I am Satan. I am strong. I can resist. Release me, beautiful one. Let me assist your daughter.'
`You could save her life and it won't get me to move to hell with you,' Iris said. `Don't even think you can manipulate me.'
She glanced at Derek, who was still grinning broadly.
`I'm sorry, Justine, but this is hilarious,' he said. `I can't believe I'm listening to Satan try to seduce your mom.'
`Man-to-man, if you assist me, I will grant your greatest wish,' Satan called out.
`I'd like the Curse ended,' Derek replied.
`Oh. Except that. Would you like a larger manhood? I could arrange that.'
`I'm all set, thanks.'
Don't plan on making any sense; do plan on laughing a lot as Rowe takes our expectations of Satan and makes it hilarious.
The Story
Derek only has a few days left before he and his twin brother Quincy turn 31 years, 46 weeks, four days, six hours, three minutes, and five seconds old then die. The only clues he has is a picture of his ancestor Carl LaValle, a dragon, and the Guardian.
Unfortunately no one else in the family or the company gets the urgency of his finding the Guardian so he can kill her and end the curse. In fact, for some reason, they think he's nuts.
It soon turns into a slapstick comedy with Justine needing to kill Derek who needs to kill her and they're both protecting the other even as Rivka is supposed to kill/save Derek but Theresa wants him alive; it's the assassin who wants him dead. Fortunately, Justine is able to come up with meaningless, empty sex with Derek to help protect the Goblet. Too bad, Satan isn't able to persuade Iris into empty, meaningless sex instead of all the water balloon and pistol attacks she launches against him.
There's still Justine's past history. Seems another man who "just wanted to help" was more interested in stealing Mona, the Goblet, and she's worried that history may be repeating itself. After all, that betrayer was a LaValle as well...
The Characters
Justine Bennett is the Guardian of the Goblet. Part of her contract specifies virginity and she must kill anyone who learns of the Goblet's existence. Her roommate is her backup Guardian, Theresa Nichols. Theresa has this little problem. She's stuck in her Dragon mode and can't revert to human anymore so she's trapped in their apartment where she engages in cyber sex and shopping. Xavier is the doorman at their apartment building with a very special skill.
Derek LaValle of Vic's Pretzels is the pretzel entrepreneur with a problem. Seems the family was cursed 180 years ago for each son to die when he reaches his 31st birthday. Becca is Derek's vice-president and has done more for Vic's Pretzels than even Derek can believe. If only he knew she was also Satan's Rivka. Quincy LaValle is Derek's twin brother and an absent-minded math genius. Wendy is hotting it up for Quin even as she's planning to betray everyone.
Satan is intent on acquiring the Goblet however he is also head-over-heels in lust with Iris Bennett, its former Guardian. It's worth reading this if only to laugh over the exchanges between these two! A Manasa is an Otherworld creature who extracts and sells information from human brains. Penhas are a group of Otherworldians who use
 

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