Dealing With Difficult People

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McGraw Hill Professional, Apr 7, 2006 - Business & Economics - 128 pages
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Explains how to:

  • Identify 10 bothersome behaviors and deal successfully with each of them
  • Understand why people become difficult
  • Use sophisticated techniques to neutralize whining, negativity, attacks, tantrums and more
  • Cultivate the nine "take-charge" skills that prevent people from becoming difficult
 

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Contents

Dealing with difficult people
1
Recognize the 10 most unwanted behaviors
5
Choose your approach
9
Understand the four intents
13
Understand the first intent get it done
17
Understand the second intent get it right
21
Understand the third intent get along
25
Understand the fourth intent get appreciated
29
Project and expect the best
53
Bring out the best in the Tank
57
Bring out the best in the Sniper
61
Bring out the best in the KnowItAll
65
Bring out the best in the ThinkTheyKnowItAll
69
Bring out the best in the Grenade
73
Bring out the best in the Yes Person
77
Bring out the best in the Maybe Person
81

Recognize the results of threatened intents
33
Reduce differences
37
Listen to understand
41
Reach a deeper understanding
45
Speak to be understood
49
Bring out the best in the Nothing Person
85
Bring out the best in the No Person
89
Bring out the best in the Whiner
93
Take the first three action steps
97
Other Titles in the McGrawHill Professional Education Series
107

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Page 9 - No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Well, today, I stopped giving Kevin Hennessey my consent.
Page 100 - For transit there is both good news and bad news. The bad news is that...
Page 86 - Person is to find the time to deal with him or her. To get something from a Nothing Person, you must be calm and relaxed. Understand the intent: Nothing People can be task-focused, if their intent is to get it right, or people-focused, if their intent is to get along. Determine what matters. Avoid getting angry: Your Nothing Person is trying to avoid conflict and disapproval. Getting angry will simply push a Nothing Person deeper into his or her nothingness. "No verbal feedback, no nonverbal feedback....
Page 52 - ... expectations. The power of expectations can't be underestimated. We call this phenomenon Pygmalion Power. If you tell people you have high expectations of them, they will not deny it. They will in fact take a step in that direction. But conversely, if you let it be known that you have low expectations, these will most likely be fulfilled, as well. When your problem person is engaging in negative behavior, you maybe tempted to say, "That's the problem with you.
Page 90 - Person's actions in perspective. Be patient: It may sometimes appear that changes take place at a snail's pace. But if you are patient, there are few things as gratifying as people conquering their negative behavior. Appreciate the No Person: He or she may bring up points worth considering, if you're wise enough to sort through the negativity. Just because the No Person goes to extremes doesn't mean that he or she is wrong.
Page 22 - They may not take action because of concerns about the consequences. They may find fault with others for not caring enough. Recognize that the intent to get it right can lead to perfectionist behaviors: This can express itself as the whining of the Whiner, the negativity of the No Person, or the silent withdrawal of the Nothing Person. But what they all have in common is their sureness that nothing works out positively.
Page 78 - Person will simply make him or her ashamed, the behavior will continue as the person promises you anything he or she thinks will placate you. Be patient: Recognize that your Yes Person is lacking organizational skills and is unable to recognize or fix this without help. Once you've helped the Yes Person develop task skills, his or her helpful nature will make that person the best teammate you could hope for. Help with...
Page 14 - Focus 14 (These aren't the only intentions that motivate people, but they serve as a useful framework for understanding and dealing with difficult behaviors.) When these intents become thwarted or frustrated, trouble arises. Behaviors can be pushed to the extreme — which may lead to the difficult behaviors outlined earlier. The following diagram shows how the four intents relate to the four behaviors.
Page 92 - s complaints have little to do with stress relief and are rarely helpful. Whiners are cousins to the No People, in the sense that their actions also emerge from the intent to get it right. But while they have a sense that things should be different, they have no idea how this should happen. So instead of taking action, they whine.
Page 33 - And so it begins: a person who might otherwise be inclined to act within the "normal zone" of human interaction starts drifting outside that zone, into a "gray zone" of less acceptable behavior and even into problem behavior. The key points: Understand that each of the four intents grows out Of human nature: People are only human, after all!

About the author (2006)

Dr. Rick Kirschner and Dr. Rick Brinkman are two of the world's most influential, and entertaining, communication and life management experts. Licensed holistic physicians, they have appeared on hundreds of television and radio programs and been featured in more than 200 newspapers, including the Wall Street Journal. "The Two Ricks" are coauthors of the bestselling audio and video tapes How to Deal with Difficult People, Telecare, and others, along with the bestselling books Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Dealing with Relatives, Life by Design, and Love Thy Customer. Their unique seminars and video training products have garnered rave reviews from clients including IBM, ATT, LucasFilm, Quaker Oats, the U.S. Army, and numerous other organizations.

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