Deargod Mysterious.Ways

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iUniverse, Mar 1, 2002 - Fiction - 296 pages
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DearGod@Mysterious.Ways—A life in transition, a book of the living…

From: "Moses and the NRA"

Anyway, Mr. Heston was standing at this podium and finished his speech with a Moses-like statement about his cold dead hands as he waved a rifle over his head. Made me somewhat concerned that if his hands WERE becoming cold and dead, he could end up braining himself with the rifle and knocking himself right off the stage.

From: "Farting" So when did You first invent farts? Doesn't say anything in Genesis about them—like "And Adam awoke and farted mightily, looked around quickly and realized that there was no one there to comment, so he farted again, without shame, verily."

From: "Droopy Drawers"

Finally, an historical perspective—the Cod Piece was invented in the 12th century A.D. when fishermen in the Netherlands, noticing that their shorts were becoming excessively baggy, began the practice of stuffing them with the prize catch of the day. Some say this was an effort to impress their womenfolk; at any rate, the practice was quickly curtailed when Rolf the Dimwit attempted to carry home three live horseshoe crabs.

 

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Contents

Guns and Love
13
Childrens Prayers
27
Love Is
40
Is a Kachunk a Kadoink?
53
Cheerios
59
Firmly Believe
74
The Dumplings and the Sparrows
87
UNDERTOE
101
Conversations With doGUnderwear Day
166
Winter Trees
180
The Mystery of GodGoddess
183
An Historical Perspective
196
The Singing Tree
209
Christmas 1989
222
Walk Always in the Light
235
Washing Hands
249

Some New Bible Stuff
115
My Remaining Days
125
Socks
138
Loves Embrace
153
Conversations With doGDeer John
266
Conversations With doGWanna Go For A Ride?
267
Copyright

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