Dim Wit: The Funniest, Stupidest Things Ever Said

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Random House, Dec 5, 2008 - Humor - 576 pages

'They misunderestimated me' George W. Bush

Einstein said only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. So in deference to the dumbing down of our culture, comes Dim Wit - a collection of the most jaw-droppingly stupid things ever said. The cast includes every famous foot-in-mouther from George W Bush to Prince Philip, Paris Hilton to Jade Goody, not to mention hundreds of unsung idiots plucked from villages the world over.

The result is a confederacy of dunces more pro-fun than profound - a clever witticism may coax an inward smile but it takes a really stupid remark to deliver a belly laugh. So pick up Dim Wit and prepare to embrace your inner moron - it may be the smartest thing you do...

'My grandma overheard two women talking in a doctor's surgery. After a while, one said to the other, "Do you know, Mary, I don't feel too well. I think I'll go home."' - Robyn Jankel

'I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he's dead.' - Samuel Goldwyn

'Winston Churchill? Wasn't he the first black President of America? There's a statue of him near me - that's black.' - Danielle Lloyd

 

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Contents

introduction
17
Questions
34
Daffynitions
49
Misprints 8c Typos
64
Spoonerisms
77
Notices
80
Mondegreens General
89
Film 8 TV Subtitles
97
Weather
263
The Environment 265
265
ARTS 8c ENTERTAINMENT Culture
270
An
271
Popular Music
274
Opera
280
Shakespeare
286
Television
294

Book Titles that Didnt Quite Make It 106
106
Romance
137
Children
159
DIY
165
Insults
172
Mistakes
178
Learning BC Lessons
184
Awards
190
SPORT Sc LEISURE
196
Basketball
201
Baseball
202
Tennis
203
Football
204
Cricket
219
Golf
223
Boxing
225
Motor Racing Horse Racing
233
Chess
236
Leisure Pursuits
237
Gambling
239
Shopping
240
Useless Products
243
Holiday
245
Party
248
Gifts
249
THE NATURAL WORLD
253
Animals General
254
Cal
257
Dog
258
Birds
260
Insects
261
Nature
262
Science
302
Statistics r r
308
Letters 8c Emails
314
SOCIETY 8c POLITICS
324
What They Say about
333
War 8c Peace
366
Terrorism
373
Business
379
Rich
386
Geography
392
Countries General
399
Can
406
Air Travel
413
The World
420
The Supernatural
426
Biblical Howlers
432
Appearance General
444
Ugly
451
Medicine
457
Dentist
463
Addiction 8 Drugs
471
Drunk
477
Vegetarian
488
Exercise
495
Death SC Dying
504
Education
516
School Reports
522
Genius
528
Truthw
534
Paranoia Madness 84 Therapy
540
T1me
547
INDEX
555

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About the author (2008)

Rosemarie Jarski is a screenwriter dividing her time between Britain and the States. Her book publications include Wisecracks and Hollywood Wit, anthologies of on- and off-screen Hollywood quotations, a spoof guide How to Be A Celebrity, and the bestselling humorous quotations books: The Funniest Thing You Never Said, Great British Wit and A Word from the Wise.

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