Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

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ReadHowYouWant.com, 2009 - Family & Relationships - 260 pages
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How can you handle the narcissistic people in your life? They're frustrating (and maybe even intimidating) to deal with. You might need to interact with some of them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one-so sometimes it just doesn't work to simply ignore them. You need to find a way of communicating effectively with narcissists, getting your point across and meeting your needs while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments. Disarming the Narcissist offers a host of effective strategies for dealing effectively with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Disarming the Narcissist will show you how to move past the narcissist's defenses using compassionate, empathetic communication. You'll learn how narcissists view the world, how to navigate their coping styles, and why, oftentimes, it's sad and lonely being a narcissist. By learning to anticipate and avoid certain hot-button issues, you'll be able to relate to narcissists without triggering aggression. By validating some common narcissistic concerns, you'll find out how to be heard in conversation with a narcissist. Finally, you'll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

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DO NOT READ THIS BOOK BElIEVING YOU CAN THRIVE IN A NARCISSISTIC RELATIONSHIP!!! The title itself is preposterous. Don't worry I read the entire book despite my instant doubts. Seething aggravation overwhelmed me as I read suggestions that the victim should "nip" here & "tuck" there. Line after line of terrible advice. side-step conversations, aviod possible insult (to the narc, not yourself), stoke the parts that need stoking (so you can continue to be a supplier for them), the list of alterations to the victims behavior goes on and on. Why? BECAUSE YOU CANT ALTER A NARCISSIST'S BEHAVIOR. you are the only one who can compromise your self, they will not. Also the idea that this would be a month long endeavour, years, try likely your entire relationship. This shit is not going to make them no longer a narcissist. A NARCISSIST has to 1) be willing to acknowledge the problem ( it cannot be suggested by someone else, because they will see it as an insult on the grandiose character they're so protective of "my shield specimen does not have flaws, how dare you." 2nd) should a person acknowledge their narcissism, they then have to reach a point where they don't find it endearing (ie: many studies have been done to determine npd...the most effective? One question. Are you a narcissist? Ppl with npd verbally state YES bc they believe their NARCISSISTIC traits are endearing) 3rd) when they realize it's a problem they have to resist the temptation to deny, ignore, convince themselves those it hurts aren't reason enough to face it. Then theirs getting to counseling, getting to a point where they aren't solely feeding therapists what they want to hear. Followed by the narcissist realizing the amount of dedication, emotional discomfort, etc they will need to endure for any sort of control of it. Oh btw narcissism is not cured it is controlled. This book feeds the broken hearted the one thing they've read a thousand articles hoping to find, without regard to how dangerous the pursuit is for the victim, not to mention the entirely plausible outcome of utter devaluation for the victim. I could go on, believe me. Please, please do not take the advice in this book to be good, healthy, worthwhile, or as hope to save your npd-relationship....you deserve better than to compromise yourself to save a relationship, only to be compromised and devalued through the entirety of it 


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About the author (2009)

Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey.

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