Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Golf Clubs: What to Do and Say (and What Not To) When a Friend Loses a Loved One

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Workman Publishing Company, 2000 - Family & Relationships - 146 pages
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Coping with death is never easy. It comes at all the wrong times, to all the wrong people. Even the deaths of those who say they are ready to go are very hard on family and loved ones. As friends of the bereaved, what can you do and say to bring some measure of comfort?

Drawing on her own experience of being widowed at a young age, and combining it with the words of survivors who have lost mothers and children, husbands, grandparents and siblings, Lynn Kelly offers a simple but profound little book of advice. Don't Ask for the Dead Man's Gold Clubs--so called because in fact people will ask--is an invaluable guide to troubling times. There are four sections: What to Do Now, What to Do Over Time, What Not to Do, and the particularly difficult situations of Suicide, Stillbirth, and Miscarriage. The advice is practical, heartfelt, direct, insightful. Let your friend know how you feel. Express sympathy to all the family members. Talk about the dead person and not be afraid to say his or her name. Write a fond memory or send a picture. Bring food. Listen. Record a new phone message. Remember holidays. Keep giving hugs. And never: Criticize arrangements. Assume that it's a blessing. Make parallels with animals. Say I know how you feel. Do something without asking. And don't ever, ever ask for the dead man's golf clubs.

t is the human experience shared, and how to be a true friend at the time of greatest need.

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Contents

Include Children
15
Pitch in and Help
33
Help Your Friend Feel Safe
46
Listen
59
Learn About Grief
67
Check in Often
73
Remember Holidays
83
Keep Giving Hugs
89
Dont Be Judgmental
96
Dont Minimize the Pain
102
Adjust Your Expectations
110
Notify CoWorkers
123
Be Sensitive to Grief
129
Dont Be Afraid
137
Remember the Hurt Is There
145
Copyright

About the author (2000)

Lynn Kelly is the founder of Kelly Communications, a public relations/advertising agency. She has three grown children and lives outside of Denver, Colorado.

Bibliographic information