Dracula Is A Racist

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Kensington Books, 2010 - Humor - 190 pages
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Vampires: The 100% Bona Fide Totally Real And Not Made Up At All Truth

In this day and age, the belief in vampires has been dwindling at an exponential rate. Those who still believe in them are often wildly misinformed. So what do you think will happen when Johnny McNormalpants finds himself face to face with a bloodthirsty vampire? Probably crap his pants, but then what? An informed citizen would know exactly what to do in this situation. If only there was some way to enlighten the public about this often forgotten subject, preferably in the form of a mock informative guide or something.

From Matt Melvin, one of the creators of Explosm.net and the hit online comic Cyanide & Happiness, comes"Dracula Is A Racist, " the definitive guide to vampires, answering those gravely important questions that keep you up at night. . .

  • Was Dracula really a racist?

  • How do vampires do their hair if they don't have any reflection?

  • Is it gross for immortals to be attracted to high school girls if they're stuck in a 17-year-old body?

  • Was Sesame Street ever truly safe from The Count?

  • Is dressing in all black and acting snobby toward everyone enough to fake being a vampire?

  • Just how much more badass are vampires than zombies?

" Dracula Is A Racist" is the essential vampire handbook that digs up all the dirt and backs it up with hard vampirical evidence. That's totally true. Really.

Matt Melvin is a 25-year-old T-shirt aficionado and sideburn enthusiast. Along with three other dudes, he runs Explosm.net, a pretty awesome website full of awesome things. When not adding even more filth to the Internet, he enjoys criticizing and complaining about movies, listening to music and inventing obscure types of niche sexual acts. He currently lives in San Diego. He is very tall.

 

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Contents

Powers
53
Misconceptions
67
Vampiric Behavior
81
Defending Yourself
93
To Kill a Vampire
101
The Thrill of the Hunt
108
LIVING WITH VAMPIRISM
129
Faking It
131
Becoming One
142
Life of a Vampire
149
Lets All Go to the Movies
157
Other Media
171
A Brief Conclusion
187
Copyright

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