Driven to Distraction

Front Cover
Penguin UK, Oct 1, 2009 - Humor - 480 pages

Jeremy Clarkson is once more Driven to Distraction.

Brace yourself. Clarkson's back.

And he'd like to tell you what he thinks about some of the most awe-inspiring, earth-shatteringly fast and jaw-droppingly cool cars in the world (oh, and a few irredeemable disasters...).

Or he would if he could just get one or two things off his chest first. Matters such as:

• The prospect of having Terry Wogan as president
• Why you'll never see a woman driving a Lexus
• The unforeseen consequences of inadequate birth control
• Why everyone should spend a weekend with a digger

Driven to Distraction is Jeremy Clarkson at full throttle. So buckle up, sit tight and enjoy the ride. You're in for a hell of a lot of laughs.

Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:

'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out

Number-one bestseller Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Cars can be downloaded on the App Store.

Jeremy Clarkson because his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun and the Sunday Times. Today he is the tallest person working in British television, and is the presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear.

 

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - MathewBridle - LibraryThing

This was gift from my children, having bought me the previous year's outing. I have now asked them not to get any more as some of the content is years old. Basically another collection of his column ... Read full review

Contents

By the same author
PART I
Whee its a taxdodging style gurus dream ride
Wiggle your hips and drive like a Norwegian
This is the kind of gay I adore
These Frenchies will never learn
Venus has trouble with her underpinnings
Its the Terry Wogan of superminis
now we can be kids again
A case of power corrupting absolutely
When the beeping stops you may go
If it aint broke oh fix it anyway
I saved a little girls life in this
Mad bad and utterly wonderful to know
Foot down and mirror signal painkiller
Unlikely but its a ray of sunshine

Its a mobile branch of the entertainment industry
On second thoughts this is a big mistake
What a perfect way to make the girls go Eugh
Its a scream yours at 200 mph
Get one fast before they muck it up
A lucky strike to set Marks Sparks flying
Its sex but not as we know it
If you see it in your mirror surrender at once
The posers special just got potent
Breaking the law just got easier
Now the rich can buy a car just like you
Broken down you can admire it even more
Its the best but theres a big catch
At long last that hybrid hocuspocus has a point
Look Bishop Killjoy Ive found the holy grail
Dont all point and laugh at once
Icecool cutie you stole my heart
Ive had more fun in a road digger
My favourite car?
Im sorry this is absolutely gross
to prove this car is not perfect
Looks like a Bentley drives like a duvet
Something nasty under the bonnet
Oh baby youre just a rotten tease
Okay gorgeous lets pretend that little bit didnt fall off
Its the new champion of Formula Plonker
Have yourself a redblooded time without riling greens
Think of it as the Golf GTI before it got fat
For once Id recommend the slower version
Theyre fighting the last war in slow motion
Better than a Mini so just pretend its British
Lost in planet Devon with this big dope
Buy one before they ban them
Its damn clever for a dog
Worshipping the god of hell fire
How to overtake everyone without really trying
Ugly Betty I want to make babies with you
Trying sooo hard not to be a hatchback
A bad attack of the Melvyn Braggs
Max power mid cred
Yes its a radical new concept the boneshaker
Its so comfortable you can run over anything up to a mediumsized fox and not even notice
Youre going nowhere sunshine
Good news and bad news for Mondeo man
Me Grace Kelly and an Italian love affair
Darling Id forgive you anything
Drive this and the road zealots will have you
Sorry this drop top is stuck in Normal
Kiss your knees goodbye green people
Silence please for a new king of the road
Clarkson went on holiday to Ottawa hired a dodgy Dodge and hosed the Garden of Eden down with 600 gallons of adrenaline
Dont call it ugly call it quite brilliant
The sausage dog with rottweiler bite
Oh yes its the great pretender
It doesnt have to do anything but arrive
Lets go tombstoning in carpet slippers
Call me stupid but I like it
The gun in Queen Victorias knicker drawer
An avenger hitting dealers where it hurts
Living in the city and buying an offroader is like permanently wearing a condom for the one day a month you might get lucky
All the luxury you need but no pizzazz
Stay out of the real world my little beauty
Follow me vicar into the red zone
For an axe murderer its a big softie
Just what you didnt want a turbo toilet
Beemed back to the wild days of youth
Part II
Simpsons Table Talk
I was a superyacht pirate
Behind Jeremy lines
Things can only get redder
Im a space nut
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About the author (2009)

Jeremy Clarkson began his career on the Rotherham Advertiser. Since then he has written for the Sun, the Sunday Times, the Rochdale Observer, the Wolverhampton Express & Star, all of the Associated Kent Newspapers and Lincolnshire Life.

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