Fortune's Bastard

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Atlantic Monthly Press, 2004 - Fiction - 384 pages
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Edward Miller is a reactionary, alpha male, tabloid newspaper editor. He wears his temper like a badge of honor, would rather step over a homeless beggar than walk around him, and engages in petty warfare with his staff over expense receipts. He's also never been much bothered with monogamy, but when one morning he spontaneously seduces his temp in an office storeroom, he's definitely crossed a line in blatancy. Miller has made few friends and many enemies--not to mention the fact thatthe storeroom is a notorious trysting place and he and the temp both emerge covered in dust and airmail stickers--so the news doesn't take long to reach his cold, beautiful wife. Conveniently, it just happens to be their anniversary. Imagine the celebratory dinner, capped by her returning her house keys and consummating her desire to sleep with the neighbor.Not a man to suffer rejection well, Miller heads for a London media hangout, where two employees introduce him to cocaine. By morning, his exploits are public (a photographer captured him snorting the cocaine in public), his career is over (thanks to a damning interview he gave a journalist from a rival paper), he's not only painted the word 'WANKER' on the cuckolding neighbor's car, but misspelled it, and his house is on fire (never leave a goodbye bonfire of wedding photos unattended). . .. Clearly, it's time to leave town. Miller has an engagement to speak to the boys at his old prep school, but he can't seem to stop pouring gasoline on the fire that his life has become, showing up hungover after a night partying with an old school friend and a gaggle of Spanish flight attendants, and calling the headmaster by his behind-the-back nickname of "Stiffo" to the students, for a start. After the speech, he speaks with his doctor and learns that his father-in-law plans to kill him.Leigh, the old school friend, works for an English language school in Barcelona, and Miller wrangles its address out of him, for he clearly can't go home. He gets the job and adapts surprisingly well to a life of an underpaid teacher, despite the fact that some of his students will clearly never learn the language (there are hilarious scenes of their attempts in this section) and even starts up a romance with a tough-talking English girl who's one of his fellow teachers--but he doesn't tell her who he really is when he has the opportunity, and when she figures it out on her own she is livid and that bridge is burnt. To make matters worse, his father-in-law's goons have tracked him down.Miller flees again, winding up in Florida, in a town populated by ex-circus freaks and presided over by the Half Man, a criminal and sadist with no legs who welcomes Miller to town by shoving a gun barrel in his mouth and breaking his teeth. But ironically, it seems that despite the fleas in his trailer, the one-eyed albino hit man who seems to overhear every compromising conversation between Miller and the Half Man's beautiful wife the Lizard Woman, and the fact that the Half Man's stranglehold on the local police mean that Miller isn't actually free to leave, it seems that Miller somehow belongs among the freaks. These misfits--among them a black dwarf, a gay clown with a penchant for altar boys, a heroin addict who is their unlicensed doctor, a biker hit man named Hollis after Grove's erstwhile publicist, and the Lizard Woman's wonderful eight-year-old daughter--unwittingly teach Miller what normal life never could--how to love, and howto stand up for something he truly believes in. When Miller's wife tracks him down and has him sign over the spoils of his old life to her, he gets enough money out of her to hire the albino to hit the Half Man. And though all certainly does not go smoothly with the hit--someone as vicious as the Half Man is unlikely to go quietly--Miller and the Lizard Woman are able to close that chapter and start a new life together.
 

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Fortune's bastard

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It wouldn't seem that things could get any worse for Edward Miller, a rich and powerful tabloid newspaper editor, whose life begins to spiral out of control when an early morning quickie with his ... Read full review

Contents

Section 1
1
Section 2
32
Section 3
43
Section 4
59
Section 5
68
Section 6
86
Section 7
88
Section 8
97
Section 24
254
Section 25
260
Section 26
266
Section 27
284
Section 28
287
Section 29
293
Section 30
294
Section 31
302

Section 9
98
Section 10
104
Section 11
108
Section 12
134
Section 13
140
Section 14
158
Section 15
170
Section 16
187
Section 17
195
Section 18
200
Section 19
202
Section 20
231
Section 21
237
Section 22
239
Section 23
252
Section 32
306
Section 33
309
Section 34
312
Section 35
318
Section 36
326
Section 37
328
Section 38
335
Section 39
346
Section 40
349
Section 41
353
Section 42
369
Section 43
371
Section 44
378
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