Funniest Thing You Never Said 2

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Random House, Sep 2, 2010 - Humor - 576 pages
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The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour.

'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson

'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock

'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon

'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin

'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde

'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson

'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx

'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

 

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Contents

FOOD 8c DRINK 1
Attraction
Appearance General 82
Hair 88
Fashion 8c Dress 90
Personal Hygiene 102
Pets 109
CONTENTSGQ
Art 363
Pornography 47
Hollywood 369
Theatre 375
Acting 381
Publicity 388
TRANSPORT 395
Computer

PEOPLE 127
Men Women
BOOKS 8K LANGUAGE
Diary 160
Conversational IceBreakers 202
209
Television News 2 l 6
Hare 46
MANNERS BEHAVIOUR 241
Polite Euphemisms for Relieving a Wedgie 246
SPORTS 255
Golf 265
HOBBIES 8c LEISURE 293
Shopping 301
Dinner Party 308
POLITICS 315
Political Speeches 336
Leaving Political Office 344
Musical Instrument 356
Mathematics 439
Extraterrestrial Life 445
SOCIETY LAW 447
Coxrrwrs
HEALTH MEDICINE 6L DRUGS 473
Healthy Eating 478
Dentist 485
Depression
THINKING 499
Stupidity
23
RELIGION 529
Catholic 537
Golf Tams 269
Transport General 396
Critic 166
Election i
Prostitute 48
Copyright

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About the author (2010)

Rosemarie Jarski is a screenwriter dividing her time between Britain and the States. Her book publications include Wisecracks and Hollywood Wit, anthologies of on- and off-screen Hollywood quotations, a spoof guide How to Be A Celebrity, and the bestselling humorous quotations books: The Funniest Thing You Never Said, Great British Wit and A Word from the Wise.

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