Here's Your Sign

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Thomas Nelson Inc, Sep 27, 2005 - Humor - 160 pages
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Stupid people are everywhere!

"Last summer," says Bill Engvall, "I got a flat tire and pulled into a gas station lot. The attendant walked out, looked at the tire, and asked, 'Tire go flat?' I kept a straight face and replied, 'No, I was driving down the road when all of a sudden those other three just swelled right up on me.' Without batting an eyelash, he nodded his head and said, 'Yep. The heat'll do that.' What else could I say? I just reached intomy briefcase and handed him his very own Stupid sign."

For the first time in print, here are more than 200 classic "Here's Your Sign" jokes?along with silly product warnings and some favorite family stories. Bill's hilarious look at the ridiculous things people say and do will keep you laughing.

I was carrying out a bag of garbage the other day and my neighbor yelled across the fence, "Are you taking out the trash?" I said, "No, I'm going to feed our pet rats." Here's your sign!

After fishing with a buddy, we pulled our boat into the dock and lifted out this big string of fish. A guy on the dock asked, "Y'all catch all them fish?" I said, "Nope. We talked them into giving up." Here's your sign!

 

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Selected pages

Contents

Introduction
9
Dad What Is Sex?
17
Parenting
25
Reading
35
Privacy
47
Goofy Warning Labels
56
White Trash Barbie
67
Breastfeeding
83
Snakes
104
Lions and Zebras
115
The Carnival
127
Butter Statues
137
The Secret of a Happy Marriage
144
Clipping Coupons
151
About the Author
160
Copyright

Whales
97

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About the author (2005)

BILL ENGVALL has been a comedian for more than twenty years, and is a founding member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour--along with Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and Ron White--and the Blue Collar Comedy television show on the WB. Engvall's first CD, "Here's Your Sign", was the #1 comedy album of the year. He is a co-star of the movie "Delta Farce" and the star of the sitcom "The Bill Engvall Show" on TBS. He lives in Los Angeles.

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