How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

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Shambhala Publications, Jun 18, 2002 - Self-Help - 240 pages
8 Reviews
"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

   1.  Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
   2.  Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
   3.  Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
   4.  Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
   5.  Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.

When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.

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LibraryThing Review

User Review  - JerryColonna - LibraryThing

A little slow at first but ultimately a terrific analysis of what works and what doesn't work in relationships. More important, great material for the individual to use to complete their own inner work through the relationship. Favorite line: "Mindfulness is being an adult." Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - BillPilgrim - LibraryThing

I found this book to be very helpfuls in discussing and addressing the issues that I have been trying to work on. I am sure that I will be re-reading parts of it often during the next several months, if not the entire book again soon Read full review


The Home We Leave
Love and Less
Struggles Along the Way
The First Phase of Relationship
Fears Rush Inand Dangers Too
Letting Go of Ego
Returning the Blessing

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About the author (2002)

David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

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