How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!

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Penguin, Jul 29, 2003 - Family & Relationships - 288 pages
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In this eye-opening resource, Dr. Sal Severe taps his twenty-five years of experience as a school psychologist and parenting workshop leader to show that a child's behavior is often a reflection of the parent's behavior, and by making changes themselves, parents can achieve dramatic results in their children. Instead of focusing on what children do wrong, Dr. Severe teaches parents to emphasize the positive, to be consistent, and to be more patient. He shows parents how to teach their children to behave, listen, and be more cooperative, and how moms and dads can manage their own anger and prevent arguments and power struggles. Packed with concrete strategies for dealing with homework hassles, ending tantrums, and other common problems, Dr. Severe's empathetic, common-sense book will be welcome everywhere.

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What We Want
What We Have
What We Need
How We Learn Parenting Behavior
Love Does Not Always Light the Way
Three Successful Promises
Where to Begin
Emphasize Cooperation Not Control
Do Not Punish to Embarrass
Use Punishment Consistently
Your Turn
Ten Questions to Ask When You Use Punishment
Use Punishments That Are Easy to Enforce
Use Punishments That Are Realistic
Using Restriction Constructively
What Happens When You Spank

How to Give Children Choices
How to Be a Good Model
Children Learn from Their Surroundings
Whats the Payoff?
Your Turn
How to Use Positive Feedback
Aim for SelfReward
How to Use Encouragement
Your Turn
Activity Incentives
Incentives for Children Twelve and Older
A Simple Chart
A Chart to Promote Effort in School
Top Ten Reasons to Use Charts and Contracts
ChartMaking Guidelines
Consequences Teach Decision Making
Reality Consequences
Proactive Shopping
Emphasize Success
Use Interest
Family Climate
The Benefit of Humor
Test Your Knowledge About Your Childs Interests
Family Climate Comparisons
What Is SelfEsteem?
How to Develop Healthy SelfEsteem in Your Children
Think About the Future
The Difference Between Threats and Warnings
Five More Minutes Maybe and Well See
What Consistency Means to Your Children
Consistency Between Parents
Emphasize Priority Behaviors
Give Yourself Tangible Reminders
Practice Patience
Expect Challenge
Whining Teasing and Tantrums
You Cannot Eliminate Some Payoffs
Never Ask Why
Two Reactions for One Misbehavior
How to Cope with Anger Stress and Guilt
Defending Yourself Against Button Attacks
How to Express Anger Constructively
Good Punishments Are Seldom Used
Three Ways Parents Use Spanking
Choosing the Best Setting for TimeOut
The Time in TimeOut
The Priority Misbehavior
How to Explain TimeOut to Your Children
What to Say When TimeOut Is Over
You Cant Win If You Dont Keep Score
Go Ahead I Like TimeOut
Your Turn
Give Your Child a Minute to Think
Take Away the Treasure
TimeOut Away from Home
TimeOut for Two
TimeOut Guidelines
Why You Cant Win a Power Struggle
The Difference Between Power and Authority
How to Correct Your Child Without an Argument
When Children Get Even
Your Turn
How Much Attention Is Too Much?
How to Ignore
When to Ignore
A Brief Overview of Anger
Teaching Anger Management
Children and Trauma
Why Have Children Become Violent?
Working for Earnings
Teaching Children the Value of Money
How to Teach Your Children About Responsibility
AgeAppropriate Responsibilities
How to Be a Homework Facilitator
Homework Incentives
Why Is This Child So Difficult?
Planning for Difficult Children
How Children Think
What Happens in School
Delayed Effects
A Childs Three Wishes
What Schools Can Do
Blended and Extended Families
How Peer Pressure Works
Listening Builds Trust
How to Clarify and Express Feelings
Teaching Children to Think for Themselves
Final Thoughts

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About the author (2003)

Dr. Sal Severe has been a school psychologist for more than twenty-five years. He serves on the advisory board of Parents magazine and is a member of the National Association of School Psychologists. Dr. Severe is also the author of How to Behave So Your Preschooler Will, Too!

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