How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

Front Cover
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony, Jan 21, 2009 - Family & Relationships - 240 pages
9 Reviews
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and
Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:

Love is not about better communication.
It's about connection.

You'll never get a closer relationship
with your man by talking to him like you
talk to one of your girlfriends.

Male emotions are like women's sexuality:
you can't be too direct too quickly.

There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines.

Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.

Talking makes women move closer;
it makes men move away.

The secret of the silent male is this:
his wife supplies the meaning in his life.

The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.

Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?

Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.”
Husband: “Do we have to?”

Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart.

The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words.

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
 

What people are saying - Write a review

User ratings

5 stars
8
4 stars
1
3 stars
0
2 stars
0
1 star
0

Mom

User Review  - Janet N. - Overstock.com

Very helpful bookShould be required for every person in a relationship. Not only a marriage but also if you want to help make any relationship with the opposite sex even better. It really helped me create a stronger bond with my son. Read full review

LibraryThing Review

User Review  - empress8411 - LibraryThing

I read this at the instruction of a marriage counselor. It was enlightening, but not mind-blowing. I didn't agree with all of the advice, but the basic idea seemed true. And some of the advice has ... Read full review

Contents

What Hes Thinking and Feeling
45
Shaming
65
Leaving
72
How Fear and Shame Lead to Infidelity Separation and Divorce
85
using your fear and shame to create
95
Learning to Transform Fear and Shame
107
Binocular Vision
118
Stepping into the Puddle
181
Four and ThreeQuarter
199
If You Want to Love Big You Have to Think Small
215
Copyright

Other editions - View all

Common terms and phrases

About the author (2009)

Patricia Love, Ed.D., is an acclaimed therapist and speaker and author of four books, including Hot Monogamy and The Truth About Love. She has appeared on Oprah and Today and on CNN, and has contributed to many magazines, including Cosmopolitan and Self.

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is a therapist who specializes in men’s issues and has appeared on Oprah in two highly rated shows on men and marriage. He is the author of You Don't Have to Take It Anymore: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One.

Bibliographic information