I Only Roast the Ones I Love: Busting Balls Without Burning Bridges

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Simon and Schuster, Sep 15, 2009 - Biography & Autobiography - 290 pages
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Jeffrey Ross is one of the world’s most foremost practitioners of insult comedy. Having escaped from his family’s kosher catering business, he spent years in the comedy circuit and mastered his craft of delivering hilarious and often offensive insults. Mixing silliness and sincerity, Ross explains the overall history of the roast and explains the art of delivering a stream of “festive abuse” while eliciting laughs. Taking readers on an entertaining journey through his own career, he shares roasts straight from the Friar’s Club and the ever popular Comedy Central television events and provides a narrative of his favorite roasts of friends and family, including:

Flava Flav: “You really are the ugliest man in America. I mean, how do you roast charcoal?” William Shatner: “Man, you have really let yourself boldly go. If Scotty tried to beam you up now you’ d break the f*n’ transporter.” Courtney Love: “Courtney Love, you’re like the girl next door…if you happen to live next to a Methadone clinic.”

Featuring tips on timing, what’s going too far, and dealing with hecklers, Ross shows readers how to channel their inner roastmaster—and emphasizes the all-important Friars’ Club motto: We only roast the ones we love.

 

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User Review  - jcovington - LibraryThing

Come for the Bea Arthur penis jokes, stay for the...well...the rest. This book is a laugh riot from beginning to end. It has made me want to actually watch the Comedy Central Roasts (just set TiVo up ... Read full review

Contents

Insultroduction
1
Recipe for a Roast
19
A Roastmaster Saves Lives
35
A Roastmaster Must Be Able to Defend Himself
51
A Roastmaster Has It in His Blood
73
A Roastmaster Must Show Respect
101
A Roastmaster Must Enjoy the Process
119
The Roast Must Go On
137
A Roastmaster Should Never Trust Willie Nelson
189
A Simple ThreeStep Guide to Freeing Your
217
A Roastmaster Must Know How to Party
235
A Roastmaster Needs No Introduction
243
A Roastmaster Must Think Big
251
A Roastmaster Should Never Fear a Tough Room
257
MyTips forToasting Friends and Family
269
A Roastmaster Must Maintain a Shitty Attitude
281

A Roastmaster Shall Not Wear Flipflops
153
A Roastmaster Must Spread the Love
163
A Roastmaster Has a Backstage Pass to the World
177
Roastknowledgments
287
Copyright

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About the author (2009)

Jeffrey Ross is the current New York Friars’ Club Roastmaster General and was a roaster for Comedy Central’s Roast of Pamela Anderson in 2005. Ross has appeared on television shows, such as The Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and many others. He’s also a regular on The Opie and Anthony Show and has also appeared on HBO’s Six Feet Under and Showtime’s Weeds. In film, he has appeared in Stuck on You and The Aristocrats. His first hour-long Comedy Central special No Offense: Life from New Jersey aired August 2008. Jeffrey Ross, the meanest man in comedy and “one man verbal assault unit” (MTV), offers anecdotes and deconstructs the makings of a great roast—based on his own career as the Friars’ Club Roastmaster General. 21

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