I Run, Therefore I Am--Nuts!

Front Cover
Human Kinetics, 2001 - Fiction - 247 pages
0 Reviews


I Run, Therefore I Am--Nuts! takes a funny look at the peculiarities, quirks, and obsessions of runners of all abilities. Whether you fall in the middle of the pack, up near the front of the pack, or so far from any semblance of a pack that you're wondering if everyone went home already, you'll find plenty to laugh about in this book.

I Run, Therefore I Am--Nuts! is a comical examination of events that are near and dear to every runner's well-conditioned heart. As the Dave Barry of running, popular running humorist Bob Schwartz pokes fun at the idiosyncratic personalities of runners and the funny situations they encounter in training, eating, racing, preparing for races, and revolving their everyday lives around running.

I Run, Therefore I Am--Nuts! brings out the humor in situations that every type of runner can relate to:

- The intricate art of drinking on the run from paper cups
- Trying to reacquaint fingers to toes after years of tight hamstrings
- Hitting the wall
- Having your heart flutter with the newest cushioned training shoe
- Discovering cross-training contraptions designed to strengthen your gluteus to its maximus
- Getting excited about the latest flavor of energy gel on the market

As any runner with tight hamstrings and a funny bone would, you'll laugh your way through these and many other amusing stories illustrated with cartoons by artist B.K. Taylor, whose drawings have appeared in many national publications, including Mad Magazine and National Lampoon.

Author Bob Schwartz is America's funniest running writer. An avid, slightly over-the-top runner himself, he has completed countless marathons (but laments that excessive glycogen depletion at the finish prevents him from fully remembering each one) as well as all race distances from the 200 Meter Kids Snowman Shuffle (where he finished second after edging out a four-year-old at the finish line) to an ultramarathon of 50 miles (a feat he has no intention of repeating). In addition to his weekly syndicated newspaper column, he has had hundreds of humorous essays published in national and regional publications, including Runner's World, FootNotes, and Fitness Runner.

For anyone who loves the aromatic smell of perspiration, who enjoys the exhilaration of exhaustion, who drinks solely from squirt bottles, or whose wardrobe is filled with reflective clothing--this book is for you.

 

What people are saying - Write a review

We haven't found any reviews in the usual places.

Selected pages

Contents

Rules to Run By Heh Heh Heh
3
Just Call Me Gumby
7
Im Treadmill Man Hear the Hum
11
Around the Learning Curve
15
Kenyan Water Aerobics
19
Racing The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Da Feet
23
Runner Mutation
25
Not So Scarlet Letters
29
The Idle Truth
129
The Missing Drink
133
The Marathon Would We Be Doing Any of This if Phoidippides Had Been in Just a Little Better Shape?
137
Marathon Madness
139
From the Plains of Greece We Come
145
Rookie Runner Hear My Words
151
The Answer Is Going to Be Yes
157
Coach Rod and tho Zone
163

City of Lard Hero I Come
35
Parade Charade
41
Introduction to Ingurgitation
45
Turkey Lemmings
49
Send in the Clowns
53
The Mindset of the Distance Runner The Plentiful Peculiarities of the Perspiring Fanatic
57
Trick or Feet
59
A Streak Isnt For the Meek
63
Loony Ways of the Wayward Runner
67
The Runners Better Half
71
ShowBeDoBeDoIDid
77
How Many Virtual Miles Do You Have?
81
Mind of the Lost
87
The Runners Multiple Skills Abilities Uncovered in the Unbearable Heaviness of Breathing
91
Tegla Take Two
93
Aggrandizement Amplified
97
Get Your Groove Thing
103
You Cant Lose Me Now
107
Exhilaration of Exhaustion
111
Nutrition and Recovery The Search for the Holy Snail and Joy of C3 Couch Chips Clicker
115
On My Way Back to Candyland
117
Its All in the Drool
123
Injuries What Tunes Does the Iliotibal Band Play?
167
The Endorphinlesg Runners Low
169
Name That Ailment
173
Run to Glory or at Least the End of the Block
179
Aging Gracefully If Id Known It Could Be So Much Fun Id Have Done It Sooner
183
Lifetime Taper for a Masterful Peak
185
Which Way Did It Go?
189
Competition and Effort Id Whoop My Grandma in Tiddlywinks
195
Battle in the Basement
197
Nocturnal Dooathlon
201
Yo Einstein Recognize a Pattern Here?
207
Best Laid Plans
211
Running Matters
217
Motivation To Thine Own Sole Be True
221
A Very Calculating Man
223
Procrastinate Now
227
Twin Theories of Running Resourcefulness
231
The Motivator in the Hat
235
About the Author
245
About the Illustrator
247
Copyright

Common terms and phrases

About the author (2001)


Bob Schwartz is a longtime freelance writer who specializes in running humor. He is well known to the mainstream running media. In addition to his weekly syndicated newspaper column, he has had hundreds of humorous essays published in national and regional publications, including Runner's World, FootNotes, Fitness Runner, Michigan Runner, New York Runner, Washington Running Report, Tail Winds, Run Ohio, Oklahoma Runner, Inside Texas Running, and Arkansas Runner.

Schwartz has been an avid and slightly over-the-top runner for more than 20 years. He has completed countless marathons (but laments that excessive glycogen depletion at the finish prevents him from fully remembering each one) as well as all race distances from the 200 Meter Kids Snowman Shuffle (where he finished second after edging out a four-year-old at the finish line) to an ultramarathon of 50 miles (a feat he has no intention of repeating).

Schwartz lives in Huntington Woods, Michigan, with his wife, Robin, and three children. His favorite pastimes are running, laughing, and writing.


ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR
Once a creative consultant for Walt Disney Feature Animation, B.K. Taylor is now a well-known illustrator and writer. He has contributed comic strips to many publications including National Lampoon, Hot Dog, and Dynamite magazines; scholastic publications; and various joke books. He has also illustrated Sesame Street books and magazine.

Taylor's work has been recognized with the Inkpot Award, the Gold Brick, seven Caddies, the Funny Bone Award, and the Ace Award.

Taylor lives in Franklin, Michigan, with his wife, Kathleen, and two daughters. His leisure activities include art collecting, traveling, and hiking.

Bibliographic information