Kill as Few Patients as Possible: And Fifty-Six Other Essays on How to Be the World's Best Doctor

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Ten Speed Press, 2008 - Humor - 109 pages
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This oft-quoted all-time favorite of the medical community will gladden--and strengthen--the hearts of patients, doctors, and anyone entering medical study, internship, or practice. With unassailable logic and rapier wit, the sage Dr. Oscar London muses on the challenges and joys of doctoring, and imparts timeless truths, reality checks, and poignant insights gleaned from 30 years of general practice--while never taking himself (or his profession) too seriously.

The classic book on the art and humor of practicing medicine, celebrating its 20th anniversary in a new gift edition with updates throughout. Previous editions have sold more than 200,000 copies. The perfect gift for med students and grads as well as new and practicing physicians. Approximately 17,000 students graduate from med school each spring in North America.
 

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Contents

Rule1 Be Iewish
3
Dont Call Me Doc
10
Dont Weintraub Yourself to Death 33
15
lfYou Do nt Believe in PrescribingXanax for Your
16
Feed a Cold Starve a Lawyer 36
20
Dont Hang Mirrors in YourWaiting Room Unless Your Two OClock Patient Enjoys Watching Himself Age Visibly by Four P M 39
21
_loina Partnership and Die Rich Young
22
Dont Call a Rose a Rose Call Her Mrs Schwartz 4 0
23
When Holes Appear in Your Appointment Schedule Celebrate 69
51
When Shes Absolutely Positively Sure She Isnt
53
Create the Illusion of Being Less Stressed than Your Patients 73
55
lfYou Drink Dont Drive IfY0u Smoke Dont Bother Wearing Your Seat Belt 75
57
Beware of Sharing Coffee with Young Ladies or Quaffing Sherry with Old Ones 79
61
Avoid Hospital Meetings like the Plague 81
63
Dont Underestimate the Healing Power of Blarney 82
65
Dont Be a SemiPro 84
66

Dont Plant Time Bombs in Your Office 4 3
25
Donit Be Late for Your Own Happy Hour
28
Never Let a Patient Outflank You 47
29
Praise Nurses and Your Patients Will Live Forever or Die Happy 50
32
Dont Be the Last Doc on the Block to Own a Plastic Gallbladder See a Detail Rep 52
34
Review the World Literature Fortnightly 57
39
Remember the Brain 59
41
Dont Leta Shrink Take Credit for Giving Your Patient Prozac 61
43
Let No One Leave Your Office without a Handshake a Blood Count and a Smile
45
Dont Take Too Much o_y in the Mistakes of Other Doctors 65
47
Dont Use Your Patient as Your Therapist 67
49
Pick Up a Phone like ltzhak Perlman Picking Up a Strad 86
68
When a Patient Rejects You Rejoice 88
70
Pregnant Get a Pregnancy Test
71
Drive Wooden Stakes through the Hearts of Financial Advisors 92
74
Exhume Old Records and Postpone Your Patients Burial 94
76
Remember a Malpractice Lawyer in Your Prayers 98
99
Do nt Turn Your Back on Back Pain Dont Airily Dismiss a Complaint of Gas
101
Ask Your Patient Whats Shaking Down at Work and Whatls Cooking at Home
104
When All Else Fails Cet a FiveHour Glucose Tolerance Test
107
Rehearse Your Final Words
109
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About the author (2008)

OSCAR LONDON, MD, is the pseudonym of an internist who practiced in Berkeley, California, for 30 years His humorous essays appeared regularly in the San Francisco Chronicle.

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