Leaving Luzerville: The Last of the Luzerville Trilogy

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Xlibris Corporation, Oct 1, 2005 - Humor - 172 pages
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It isn't easy being funny when relating the harrowing, seething, scary, tremulous, frightening, frustrating, even searing, tale of being fired by your University and betrayed by your wife but, WTF, why not? I mean, IS there an "appropriate" response to finding out that your wife traded you in for a free trip to Japan?

Read on as the bull dyke Luzerville University attorney flays Dwayne's ass for being, in order of egregiousness, "uppity", heterosexual, quietly Libertarian, loudly critical of really, really stupid policy decisions, and a tall poppy in general.

Funny excerpt: "What [advisors] do is translate the ever-increasingly complicated University Catalog, the contract between the student (at the time of his or her matriculation until seven years later or the return of Haley's Comet, whichever comes first) and L.U. Here is a fictional, but not far from the mark, entry:

Equine Statistics 304: Use of ways and means of alternative deviations as they apply to horses. Prerequisites: Equine Gender Studies 204, Equinetrics 107, Equine writing 201. Must be taken before the age of 26 if male. Not fungible with any Military Science course. Not an adequate substitute for equine chemistry courses taken at area junior colleges or any school in Albania prior to 1999.

Steering the poor students through such quagmires is the job the uncredentialed or "differently credentialed" faculty wife. Such quagmires also tend to stretch a "four" year degree into five of six. The logic behind such waste is, at bottom, that no one at universities, or at least those who feed in the public trough, really give a damn about students."

Fake quotes: Damn, I wish I'd written that! John Dewey

Flee flee! David didn't learn by eating finger paint! Maria Montessori

Les pommes frites sont belles comme les chaussettes séchés Marquis de Condorcet

Dwayne is such a scamp! -- Woodrow Wilson.

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