LIFE IN THE HARSH LANE: The Nine Lives, Mishaps, and Adventures of a No-Body

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Xlibris Corporation, 2012 - Biography & Autobiography - 244 pages
This book is intended to make any reader, firstly laugh, then in no particular order, flinch, be jealous, feel sick, feel sorry, angry and disgusted or just plain sad.

This is the original story of nobodies, but the type of people a lot of people can relate to, to some degree. Events are sometimes in random order, due to the author's sometimes random memory.

The main dilemma in writing a 'warts n' all' book, is, whilst it's fine to do so if you are famous, on the other hand, when even your wife can barely remember who you are, it's a bit different! Basically, who gives a shit? But going with the old cliché 'Everyone has a book in them' here's mine.

It is a book of many contrasts, wild and excessive and funny to some, but at some points it is balanced out with the tales of the complete opposite, about family, heartbreak and loss, and has some pretty morbid moments I must admit, but this is generally about the knowledge that you gain in this life, I can't say I have learned completely yet, who does? But I'm getting there, and if I don't, who really gives a toss anyway? I didn't invent Penicillin, or The Wheel, or even American Idol, I'm just a regular guy in some respects. There is a great quote out there which that wholeheartedly sums up my philosophy towards life, 'Live as if you'll die tomorrow. Dream as if you'll live forever.'

There is also a historical element to some of the recollections, relating to people and places, just to try to make me look a bit more clever if possible, well I need something! As for writing about real life, as a musician formerly, I now understand when a band says you have your have the first part of your life to write your first album, it's the same with writing about real life, all your own experiences are exhausted after that. As anyone who knows me, I'm one of the worst liars in the universe, imagination I'm crap at, I do prefer real life. So I won't be forging a career in Fiction anytime soon. Anyway, it's all academic, I'll probably get banned from writing books ever again, if anybody ever reads this.

Names have been changed to protect the slightly guilty, the guilty, and the really guilty, I hope I've not dropped anyone in this too much. There are certain stories which I cannot and will not write about, too sensitive for some people I know, and are frankly a bit too harsh for this book, and that's saying something.
 

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Contents

Authors Note
9
Texas Time
11
What someone will do for drugs
18
My life as a would be Rock Star
30
Winging it as usual
37
Traveling in the bored lane
41
Thailand 19992000
43
Hong Kong 1998
47
The Turtle Killer
133
Romantic Moments
135
The tawdry tale of how I proposed to my wife
137
Back to future wife story
138
Back to Singapore
142
Being arrested again 2006
146
Wow travelling man
148
Egypt in the Eighties and flying in general
153

Indonesia 20089
49
Living like a Monk
51
Orgies
52
Its more stupidity time
54
Boat Trip
56
I Hate Backpackers Australia
63
Back in the UK
77
If we moved in next door your lawn would die
80
Australia again 20012
82
The Sydney to Perth Adventure
83
Teaching 20052012
89
Who needs women?
91
Never kill an Ojek motorbike taxi driver within your first 3 months here
92
Indonesia again 2005
96
Sobriety
99
On the road again but fuck the wagon 2008
103
Marriage 2010
106
Love
108
How to piss off your entire family and everyone elses too
111
Die In Dunkirk or somewhere in France
113
Turning Japanese
115
Belgium Field Trip 1997
116
Dont attack a policeman even if he is a complete dickhead 1998ish
118
Les Charmettes France
120
Acid
122
Drugs and Food
126
Shit jobs from hell
129
Those who can do those who cant teach
130
Tunisia
155
Barbados Club Tropicana and the drinks were free
157
Tenerife and Gran Canaria Gods own toilet
161
Family
165
Enough of misery it is time for stupidity to come back
170
New York and Royal Mail
174
Car crashes a personal history
178
Music continued
187
Blag your way into University
190
Business
192
Tapastastic
195
Its a Family Affair
198
Black Magic and Mumbo Jumbo
204
Old School Expats
207
How to pick up chicks or not
209
Dying and breaking your dick
211
Quiet gentile England
216
Electricity not to be underestimated
220
Being sacked
223
Pulling chicks continued
225
Being Bummed man or woman
227
Prison and rock and roll escape
230
London circa 1995
232
1989 Surprise Phonecall
233
Life in the quiet lane 2009
235
England the Eighties again
237
Jakarta 2008
239
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