LIFE IN THE HARSH LANE: The Nine Lives, Mishaps, and Adventures of a No-Body
This book is intended to make any reader, firstly laugh, then in no particular order, flinch, be jealous, feel sick, feel sorry, angry and disgusted or just plain sad.
This is the original story of nobodies, but the type of people a lot of people can relate to, to some degree. Events are sometimes in random order, due to the author's sometimes random memory.
The main dilemma in writing a 'warts n' all' book, is, whilst it's fine to do so if you are famous, on the other hand, when even your wife can barely remember who you are, it's a bit different! Basically, who gives a shit? But going with the old cliché 'Everyone has a book in them' here's mine.
It is a book of many contrasts, wild and excessive and funny to some, but at some points it is balanced out with the tales of the complete opposite, about family, heartbreak and loss, and has some pretty morbid moments I must admit, but this is generally about the knowledge that you gain in this life, I can't say I have learned completely yet, who does? But I'm getting there, and if I don't, who really gives a toss anyway? I didn't invent Penicillin, or The Wheel, or even American Idol, I'm just a regular guy in some respects. There is a great quote out there which that wholeheartedly sums up my philosophy towards life, 'Live as if you'll die tomorrow. Dream as if you'll live forever.'
There is also a historical element to some of the recollections, relating to people and places, just to try to make me look a bit more clever if possible, well I need something! As for writing about real life, as a musician formerly, I now understand when a band says you have your have the first part of your life to write your first album, it's the same with writing about real life, all your own experiences are exhausted after that. As anyone who knows me, I'm one of the worst liars in the universe, imagination I'm crap at, I do prefer real life. So I won't be forging a career in Fiction anytime soon. Anyway, it's all academic, I'll probably get banned from writing books ever again, if anybody ever reads this.
Names have been changed to protect the slightly guilty, the guilty, and the really guilty, I hope I've not dropped anyone in this too much. There are certain stories which I cannot and will not write about, too sensitive for some people I know, and are frankly a bit too harsh for this book, and that's saying something.
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What someone will do for drugs
My life as a would be Rock Star
Winging it as usual
Traveling in the bored lane
Hong Kong 1998
The Turtle Killer
The tawdry tale of how I proposed to my wife
Back to future wife story
Back to Singapore
Being arrested again 2006
Wow travelling man
Egypt in the Eighties and flying in general
Living like a Monk
Its more stupidity time
I Hate Backpackers Australia
Back in the UK
If we moved in next door your lawn would die
Australia again 20012
The Sydney to Perth Adventure
Who needs women?
Never kill an Ojek motorbike taxi driver within your first 3 months here
Indonesia again 2005
On the road again but fuck the wagon 2008
How to piss off your entire family and everyone elses too
Die In Dunkirk or somewhere in France
Belgium Field Trip 1997
Dont attack a policeman even if he is a complete dickhead 1998ish
Les Charmettes France
Drugs and Food
Shit jobs from hell
Those who can do those who cant teach
Barbados Club Tropicana and the drinks were free
Tenerife and Gran Canaria Gods own toilet
Enough of misery it is time for stupidity to come back
New York and Royal Mail
Car crashes a personal history
Blag your way into University
Its a Family Affair
Black Magic and Mumbo Jumbo
Old School Expats
How to pick up chicks or not
Dying and breaking your dick
Quiet gentile England
Electricity not to be underestimated
Pulling chicks continued
Being Bummed man or woman
Prison and rock and roll escape
London circa 1995
1989 Surprise Phonecall
Life in the quiet lane 2009
England the Eighties again
Other editions - View all
actually airport anyway apparantly asked bastard beach beer blah bollocks Bondi Beach booze Britpop brother called Catford chav coach Colin couldn’t course crash cunt dad’s Dillo dodgy drinking driving drug drunk eventually facebook film friends fuck getting girlfriend girls going guess haha hangover happened hell i’ve indonesia Jakarta Keith richards kids knew Kula shaker later laughing Led Zeppelin legs lived London look Malati managed Margate married Matali mate mentioned morning moved never night pissed police pretty probably realised remember rock and roll royal Mail screaming seemed shit shitfaced singapore sitting someone started staying stop story talking taxi thing thought Thurnscoe told took Toploader Tower Bridge tried trip trying turned usually vodka walking wasn’t week weird whilst wife woke yeah