Milking the Rhino: Dangerously Funny Lists

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Andrews McMeel Publishing, Jan 1, 2009 - Humor - 112 pages
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"Chris Rush promised that if I gave him a favorable blurb, he would agree to be placed in a secure, isolated neuropsychiatric facility, away from the rest of us. Here goes: 'Chris's book is crammed with good, big, sick belly laughs.' Your turn, Chris." --George Carlin 

"I first saw Chris Rush thirty years ago, and he killed me. He has a bizarre, funny way of looking at things, and this book is proof of that." --Jay Leno

"Chris Rush combines the stream-of-consciousness of a Lenny Bruce, a Monty-Pythonesque appreciation of the surreally absurd, and the mental energy of a Robin Williams." --New York Times

"He is universal and intellectual without being elitist." --Variety

Comedian Chris Rush was one of the original contributors to National Lampoon magazine. He can be heard on Sirius and XM satellite radio and on the Joey Reynolds radio show every Friday at 1 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

In Milking the Rhino, Rush uses a series of unforgettable surreal images to create hilarious verbal cartoons presented in a seductive list form to transport you into a world of nonstop laughter.

Lists include:

* Seven Examples of Truth in Advertising You Will Never See

* Twenty-Five Really Lousy Jobs

* The Ten Worst Pickup Lines

* Ten Bizarre Hobbies

* Fourteen Novelty Items That Never Took Off

* Four Things You Shouldn't Do in Zero-Gravity Conditions

* Four UFO Incidents That Are Weirder Than Usual

 

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Contents

Twelve People You Definitely Dont Want Sitting Next to You on a Plane
1
TwentyFive Really Lousy Jobs
3
Ten Bizarre Pets
5
Quickies Three Diseases That Sound Like Roman Emperors or Generals
8
The Twelve Most Dangerous Toys and Childrens Books
9
Ten Bizarre Hobbies
11
Quickies Five People You Dont Often Run Into
15
Five Ways to Lose an Eye
16
Six Highly Unusual Animal Acts
57
Quickies Five Highly Undesirable Nicknames
60
The Ten Worst Pickup Lines
61
The Lazy Eight
63
Seven of the Weirdest Reasons for Being Kicked Out of School
65
Twelve Embarrassing Moments Through History
67
Five Conditions That May Be Helped by a Poke in the Ass with a Sharp Stick
72
Thirty LittleKnown Historical Artifacts
73

The Six Most Dangerous Extreme Sports
17
Fourteen Novelty Items That Never Took Off
19
Quickies
27
Quickies
34
Eleven Amusing Suicides Freakish Deaths
41
Five Signs of ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder
46
Seven Bizarre Gifts
47
Fourteen LittleKnown Inventions
49
Seven of the Strangest Scientific Animal Studies
53
Six Highly Unusual Performance Artists
55
Quickies Five BMovies Worth Missing
76
Seven Examples of Truth in Advertising You Will Never See
77
Twelve Unexpected and Shocking Images that Could Be Sent Back from Mars by the Rover
79
Seven Urban Legends
81
Seven Entertaining Execution Methods
85
Eight Secret Desires Wishes Impulses
88
Four UFO Incidents That Are Weirder Than Usual
90
Five Paranormal Incidents
95
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About the author (2009)

Chris Rush, considered a comedian's comedian, has performed at clubs, colleges, and theaters across the United States and Canada. He has been selected best male comic by the Association of Comedy Artists. His debut album, First Rush, went gold and is considered a cult classic. His second album, Beaming In, also a classic, has been re-released as a CD and is available at laugh.com. Chris Rush was one of the original contributors to National Lampoon magazine, and he can be heard on Sirius and XM satellite radio. More information is available at www.chrisrushcomedy.com and www.milkingtherhino.com.

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